@ Tooka hmmmm, a rude joke indeed with a definite Australian flavour. As the new "Australian" mod I not sure how I should react to this sort of humour directed at my people. Should I lock or delete the thread, maybe ban you.
Nah lol, that is pretty funny, and I think you gave fair warning about the content.
Merry Christmas!
Last Edited by on Dec 24, 2010 5:14 AM
Actually "struth" comes from "God's truth" and although not religious, I use the term frequently as it tends to add a certain emphasis to a situation! :~)
Since the original has been removed, I'll take a stabb at comic relief with this one:
After a night of drinking, Ross crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck.
When he awoke, he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.
Who the hell are you?" demanded Ross, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?"
The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, Ross, and I'm St. Peter". Ross was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family. You've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied, "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Ross was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. This ain't so bad," he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him.
The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad," replies Ross, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode".
"You're ovulating," explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before." "Never," replies Ross.
"Well just relax and let it happen." And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that had happened to him ever!!!
The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt An enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting...
"Ross, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!
---------- intermediate level (+) player per the Adam Gussow Scale, Started playing 2001
Last Edited by on Dec 25, 2010 8:25 AM
Blocker take a hard line with the Poms. They think they can have a joke at our expense only because they think they are thrashing us in cricket.
I missed the joke but here is another:-
2 Irishmen are sitting waiting for a bus when a truck laden with rolls of turf passes by. Paddy says to Mick 'thats what I'm going to do after I win the lottery'. Mick asks what are you going to do Paddy? Paddy replies 'When I win the lottery I'm going to send my lawn out to be cut'!
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found three about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang. An irritated Santa marched to the door and yanked it open. There stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
