Lead singer of a band that I was in (at a performance at the stadium before a FSU football game): "We're gonna slow things down with this next song...so hopefully it doesn't crash and burn since this IS a football game."
@hvyj --- I gotta remember that one!!! RONTFLMFAO!!! ---------- Sincerely, Barbeque Bob Maglinte Boston, MA http://www.barbequebob.com CD available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bbmaglinte
Any comment from the stage that sets up an adversarial situation or is challenging makes you look just like what you are for saying it....a damn fool. When you open yourself up to playing for money, you give up your "protection" from abuse or insults. You don't like that? Then get out of the game, someone will be more than happy to take your spot up there (and probably play it better too). The humorous comments and lines are always good and at least put you above the heckler. But trying to be tough guy is a dead losing bet from the gate...it doesn't matter HOW big you are or who you "trained with". And don't get the idea you're ba-a-a-a-ad either, Smith and Wesson didn't stop making pistols after they made yours. As for daring to "come off that stage to get somebody", HAH!...anybody who does that is looking for a lifetime of pain, permanent disability, and heartbreak. Someone can gouge out both of your eyes so fast with a ball point pen or pop you with a pocket stun gun so fast it's unbelieveable. Once you're down then they can pull out your front teeth with a pair of pliers or rip off your nose...see what kind of harp playing you do after that. Yea, yea, yea, I know..."but they will go to jail if they do that to me". You're right, they probably will, but you are still dead, blind, or maimed just the same. If humor won't work, its best to just say nothing and keep on playing. Lots of times they will start fighting among themselves out there anyway if it's allowed to fester long enough. I've seen it all in 50 years of being up there and I do mean ALL of it. Men and women standing there holding their intestines in their hands with their stomach cut open, skulls smashed as flat as a sunday newspaper, women having pistols shoved up their vagina and blown apart right in the middle of the dance floor. Fellas, it ain't like in video games or on TV. There is no "reset" button. Just some comments from an old man.... Regards, Me
Me-'Why was Popeye always so cranky?' Crowd- 'Why?' Me-'Extra Virgin Olive Oil' Crowd- (collective groan)
Me- 'While the next musicians are coming up, I'm going to play something I wrote on harmonica' (One long wailing note. 'That's all I have written so far. I hope to have more soon.' ---------- Nate Facebook Thread Organizer
Rick Estrin at a Night Cats show ca. November, 1992: "We making your Christmas shopping easy. We got T-shirts, CDs, I think we even got some cassette tapes--"
Voice in audience: "Eight-track!!!"
(Pause)
Estrin: "Man, you need to buy a new car."
Last Edited by on Nov 01, 2010 8:58 PM
Harry Enfield to the Leicester Square press preview of Kevin and Perry go Large in Ibiza. ---------- Andrew, gentleman of leisure, noodler extraordinaire.
a long time ago, I saw a Nina Simone concert on TV, at one time a guy in the audience leaves his seat, she immediately stopped singing and told him to sit back, "Don't you dare leaving while I'm singing", and the guy obeyed.
Mark Hummel to a "gusser" in the audience as he stood on stage in Troy,N.Y. with James Harman,Magic Dick and James Montgomery-"If Charlie Musslewhite was here,he'd shove that thing down your throat". The guy continued to play along out of key anyway. Thomas Fiacco III
I saw Tam White,the great Edinburgh blues singer being heckled by a guy constantly shouting for this tune and that tune,he juist wouldnae let it go. Tam responded with ''Don't waste your breath shouting at me mate,you'll need it to blow your girlfriend up when you get home''. The place just fell aboot laughing. Check out Tam on youtube,what a voice.
@ianharpo I believe a "gus" or a "gusser" is the really annoying guy in the front row, who pulls out his c harp (no mater what key the song is in) and attempts to play along with the band. ----------
Gussers - I sing loudly and out of tune, but I'm the frontman, does that still count???!!!?? ---------- If it ain't got harp - it ain't really blues!!!!
My I live for EVER... and may you live for ever and a day. 'cause I'd sure hate,to see you go away. -The great B.B.King
Last Edited by on Nov 03, 2010 2:33 PM
"we'd like to thank you all for comming, or however else you may have reacted." ---------- MP hibachi cook for the yakuza doctor of semiotics superhero emeritus
"if you liked what you heard, tell your friends. if you didn't like it, please don't tell anybody". ---------- MP hibachi cook for the yakuza doctor of semiotics superhero emeritus
after enthusiastic applause-said with a surprised smile: "MY, you folks have good taste." ---------- MP hibachi cook for the yakuza doctor of semiotics superhero emeritus
Last Edited by on Nov 12, 2010 4:22 PM
Leonard Cohen in Sydney last year, reminiscing about when he'd last played in this town. 'The last time I was here, I was 60 years old . . . just a kid with a crazy dream.'
Our guitar player Sammy Spear had a couple of gems back in the 70's. Once he had the light man shine a spot on a table of hecklers and inquired -can we have a round of tables for those dinks over there? Another time a large patron was wanting to hear Free Bird when Sammy pointed the neck of his guitar in the guy's direction and said "Suck on this fat boy" before he launched into a blistering blues. Not real smart but no blood was spilled and it was perfect comic relief for a road weary band.
(To a heckler) "C'mon man. I'm up here trying to make a living. I've got a wife, I've got a kid, and I have to pay my own health insurance. Do I bother you when you've got a dick in your mouth???"
