Ok maybe not all women but i've heard alot of people on here moan or make passing comments about their better halfs disliking the Harmonica.
My wife for one hates it. She loves music and she never used to to complain when i used to noodle around on my guitars BUT if i pull my harps out when she's in the house boy do know about it. I can see her tense up before i've got one out the box. So now i don't bother when she's about. I really only play when she's at her night lectures at Uni a couple of nights a week or i grab an hour here or there when she's not about.
She will watch my youtube vids when i upload a new one and say "oh your getting really good now" but i can tell she's not really bothered.
So whats it all about??
Who else out there has a partner who dislikes the harp?
(I apolgise to any female harp players reading this,and i know there are some amazing female players out there. I'm not posting this to offend i'm just curious why so many women just dont seem to like the harp:o)
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 3:51 AM
Yeah, my ex didn't like harp either. But, I'm not sure if that is just because I liked it. Despite the fact that we're living in the post-feminist age - um, I think, don't care, whatever - there still seems to be quite a few things that, for various reasons, mostly appeal to blokes, and other things that mostly appeal to birds. ---------- YouTube SlimHarpMick
I call it the EVE syndrome. Women are jealous and don't want your lips pressed against anybody but theirs.LOL ---------- Emile "Diggs" D'Amico a Legend In His Own Mind How you doin'
My wife doesn't mind harp, per se, she minds the way it has taken over my life. I try to hide it, but if something didn't get done, chances are I was goofing off harping somewhere.
My wife views my harmonica playing as a selfish endulgence. Time spent on the harmonica is time wasted in her mind. To her, that time would be better spent on house/yard/relationship maintenance. She also can't understand why it is necessary for me to own a dozen+ harmonicas.
If I was a really good player, she might let it slide. Unfortunately, I think it will be a few more years before I will be at that level. I am not 'gifted' by any stretch of the imagination. It takes me hours and hours of practice to make even a small bit of progress; but I eventually do make progress. I just hope she can put up with it until then. I've got too much time and money invested in this hobby to quit now. And besides, I'm lovin' it.
Isn't it more of a "spouse/relative/neighbour thing" than a wife thing? If your wife/child/parent played trumpet, or drums around the house all day, it might be novel to begin with, but...
I've had plenty of male work colleagues & neighbours suddenly erupt with: "That bloody harmonica, all hours of the day & night, you just play the same bloody thing over & over again, I wouldn't mind if you played a whole bloody tune, but it's just the same bloody thing over & over a gain...wah, wah, wah, bloody wah..."
@Ant: OMG! So funny you address this issue, I was thinking about it a few days ago. My wife seems to hate harmonica as well. She says she just hates the sound it produces. I think she also associates blues to be an old and worn out type of music. And I think it would take divine intervention to have her come to a gig of her own will). So I sympathise with you. THAT BEING SAID, she is also a very patient and fair person. As long as I do my part around the house, I'm free to practice all I want (in the basement).
Maybe it's not the fact that she's a woman, or even the fact that she's my partner. Maybe it's about not being musically oriented and not understanding the struggle it takes to master some piece of music (however simple it might sound once it is played by someone who masters it). ---------- Heart2Harp
My girlfriend likes to watch my gigs, while she dislikes when I practice and especially when I customize harmonicas (squeeling overblows bended up, uncentered reeds etc.) ---------- Excuse my bad English. Click on my photo or my username for my music.
I wanted to try and play along with Heart last night on Dancing with the Stars, without missing a beat she told me to hush. Women and cats seem to not like the sound of a harp playing, wonder if there's a connection between the two of em'?
you poor bastiges! my wife has always loved my harp playing. in fact, 7 years ago when i was disgusted with the local music scene and not playing much at all, she went out and got a guitar, brought it home, and asked me to teach her about blues! just to keep me interested in music she tells me. and it was rough for a few years. i worked with a couple of bands after that, cultivated her efforts to learn guitar, and we now have a really fine blues/roots duo going. she flatters me often and tells me i'm the best around here. i tell her she just doesn't get out enough!
very seriously though, my last wife had the attitude you guys describe. she had no musicality at all and once told me i should "give it a few years and then find something else to waste my time on".
Jolene is my biggest advocate on harp and i'm one of her biggest on guitar and vocals. together we make a killer team. not bad for over-50 late-comers to music!
Possibly for similar reasons as cited by Amateur Curmudgeon, Mr. Greene, my wife enjoys the harp. Or, she could actually be a music lover.
When I come home from a job, I invariably will toot around the house and especially up in my office. My wife is always supportive, making sure to tell me when she finds something particularly to her liking. I don't think she's ever expressed any resentment or dislike.
She did grow up with sound in the house. Her father was a flute player with several groups on the reservation when she was a little girl. That might have calibrated her tolerance at a formative age.
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” -- Robert Heinlein
My wife loves it. I would rather practice when I'm the only one home and she sometimes complains that I'm not playing enough for her to listen.
The cats done mind either.
LR
P.S. Did I tell ya about the time I caught my wife in the laundry room with my Manji in her mouth? It ain't been the same round the house ever since.
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 6:39 AM
Generally, women have more sensitive ears, so they dislike the higher pitched harps and high notes. My wife is an example of this, especially if I'm practicing on the upper register and doing blow bends (no matter what key harp it is).
I usually practice in my basement (man-cave), where I keep all my harps, amps, mics, tools, guns, knives, model trains, computer, CD's, exercise equipment, and everything else that a man should have in his man-cave.
I also try to do my amplified playing when she isn't around... I learned along time ago not to aggravate her! If it's one of those rainy or snowy days where I'm spending free time indoors, I will practice some using my VOX DA5 amp on a low-watt setting (what a great little practice amp!).
She knows I love playing harmonicas... I loved it before I loved her (32 years vs 24 years). She has no problem with me or my hobbies, and I have no problem with hers (fortunately, she mostly likes to read books!).
She does jump a bit, when I start shooting airguns in my man-cave shooting range, espeically when shooting my lever-action PCP air rifle, lose count of my pellets, and shoot a load of air with no pellet... KA-BOOM !
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 6:45 AM
Spouses should be excluded from this conversation as they are going to have a bias regardless. In general, I find that woman prefer vocals to all else, but many in the 30+ crowd dig harmonica.
I think some of it has to do with presentation. I am too lazy to post images, but when you picture a harp player in your mind vs a guitar player...who looks hotter?
Good point Mike. Playing harmonica looks like eating a sandwich, badly. Yes, my wife much prefers to listen to me sing. It's probably a tolerance thing that she listens to my harp playing without complaint. ----------
Practising overblows was perhaps pushing it a bit. I have found after much experimentation that 5 OB's is her breaking point. Hoping to nudge this up to 8 cos that'll be a sign of improvement.
It certainly is demoralising when you do your level best to produce a well pitched draw bend in a ballad for instance and she will say that was nice, 'shame about that funny note':(
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 8:29 AM
I was just thinking about this subject last night. My wife came home and I was on the computer. She looked at me in disgust and said, "Oh, are you on your harmonica sites AGAIN?". When I told her I was actually looking at some job sites to see if there were better opportunities for my career she was very happy.
My wife is musical. For years she sang, wrote songs and played out in bands (well before I met her). We have musical instruments throughout the house and she is a true lover of music. She is also generally supportive of my playing.
HOWEVER, she does get sick of hearing me play the same 12 bars over and over again. It's to the point where there are just some things I can't play when she's around.
I'm pretty sure that she just doesn't like the blues so I try to throw in a few melodies (amazing grace, hallelujah, ripple, etc.) to "ease her pain" when I practice. Ultimately, though, I tend to only practice when she's not around.
It's a shame because I think that if we could come up with a common ground on this we might be able to play music together ala JBone and Jolene (but not nearly as skilled...you guys are good!)
---------- "Take out your false teeth, momma, I want to suck on your gums."-P. Wolf
@GrayOwl: Same here. The other day I looked up and saw my wife holding her ears. She yelled "What was that?" I responded "Practicing overblows". She yelled back "sounds overDONE to me!". (I thought I was doing half-decent; not even squealing). ---------- Ozark Rich __________ ##########
I feel bad for the guys that have this problem. My girl totally doesn't mind...in fact she's thanked me for the music I've turned her on to (not my playing per se though she likes that, but going to blues festivals, jams etc.).
My problem is that I feel self conscious trying to woodshed with her around. But I know it isn't really about her, but rather me. Nonetheless, we have a small place, and there's no escaping each other when we're there together. So that's a challenge, among other things while trying to learn this damned little instrument.
My wife gave me my first harmonica, so she brought this whole thing on herself! I'll tell her this one day, if I ever really need to. Maybe.
She's generally OK with it, as long as I'm considerate of the sensitivity of her hearing: low volume, avoid anything shrill or dissonant (such as testing OBs while regapping). Also, she much prefers hearing *playing* as opposed to *practice.*
My younger daughter, on the other hand, has told me several times that she loves the sound of the harmonica and likes hearing me play it regardless of the circumstances.
My older daughter hasn't said anything about it; but she likes bagpipes so I presume she's OK with it.
A few times when I've played with a band at a venue my wife has been asked if there are advantages to being married to a harmonica player.... She smiles and says yes. Must be the fact that she gets the TV remote a lot more now...lol
I play for a consistent audience of 60/40 female/male each week and find them pretty effusive about the harp. Since I'm behind singers (often very very good singers) I try and play in a shimmery way which often connects us like two singers. Played modestly with dynamics (relative to the female proportion of an "audience" as opposed to the more complicated personal "relationship") I have found woman generous with their appreciation of the harp. My best. d ---------- myspacefacebook
My wife likes listening to good blues harp players whose gigs tend to be a good hang. Harp-wise, she's a huge fan of RJ Mischo, Billy Branch, James Cotton, John Nemeth and Bobby Rush. She really dug seeing Carey Bell and Junior Wells.
My daughter is like my wife. She'll go to see good players or people she likes. She loves RJ Mischo and Billy Branch.
well...1. I do know women who love to hear me play :-) 2. as a taxidriver I do practice inside the cab during the long times waiting for passengers, instead of reading or staring holes into the air...so at home, after work, I don´t play,because I had it enough...
Well, something many of you have overlooked and it ain't just about harmonica, but music and musicians in general when it comes to one's significant other. With many musicians, even like many very driven business people, the music and the instrument often tends to come first and VERY FEW women like playing second fiddle and so with many musicians or entertainers for that matter, marriages often don't last very long, even if you tell them straight up front about it.
As far as practicing constantly, I can understand it because a lot of times, harp players can sound as annoying as the sound of tom cat that just had some idiot step on its tail pretty hard.
As far as cats hating harp, dogs often even more so because their hearing is FAR more sensitive, especially in the upper registers as well as from the upper harmonic overtones and from playing the to A on a MB with a bend, I came within inches of a dog chewing my leg off.
It is true women do have more sensitive hearing as well as a more heightened sense of smell (hey guys, now you should know why they don't want to be near you when you smell like you got fished out of a polluted river).
Too often harp players are trying to play to other harp players and too often too much in the macho way that it only comes across to the guys and those are players who basically play like their brutalizing the instrument and don't use dynamics or necessary soft touches, and just play AT people, and not to and FOR people. ---------- Sincerely, Barbeque Bob Maglinte Boston, MA http://www.barbequebob.com CD available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bbmaglinte
My girlfriend was begrudgingly tolerant of my playing in the beginning... she just begged me not to practice on the higher register, or on higher tuned harps. A lot of my friends had no tolerance for it though. I thought it was because my friends are just dickheads, but then I recorded myself playing and realized I had horrendous tone.
So, I've drastically improved my tone and breath control, and no one seems to mind when I play... Except for two of my friends, but I feel like their lack of tolerance corresponds with a particular time of the month.
It also goes to show you that the general public is far too used to hearing really crappy harp players and so their expectations are gonna be low and their level of tolerance for a crappy sounding player is obviously going to be extremely thin. Who wants to hear something that sounds like a bunch of drunk, howling tomcats who just had their tails stepped on???
One other thing to remember is that people may not be exactly enthralled to hear certain instruments regardless of how well one plays it, be it harmonica, guitar, piano, horns, etc., and I most certainly know people who don't like certain instruments and not necessarily harmonica. ---------- Sincerely, Barbeque Bob Maglinte Boston, MA http://www.barbequebob.com CD available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bbmaglinte
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 12:25 PM
Just had a scary thought, maybe it's not the harp that the women hate, maybe it's the person playing it. I think my wife and I need to sit down and talk. :(
Unfrotunately, it could be both, especially if you're a mean drunk or drug addict. ---------- Sincerely, Barbeque Bob Maglinte Boston, MA http://www.barbequebob.com CD available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bbmaglinte
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 12:37 PM
When I started dating my wife in 1996 (this is the 3rd one) she thought Bob Dylan was THE MAN on a harmonica. I never said a word. But on our second date I took her to see the Rod Piazza show and she says..."OOOOOOOOOOOO so THAT's what it's all about, he makes that thing sound like a saxophone sometimes". And she can tell right away now if someone knows whats going on with one too...(now 15 years later). Recently I took her to see Todd Parrot at a little deal near where we live and she says...."he's as good as you are isn't he?" and I said..."yes he is and in some of that stuff he's better". She says, "I thought so too but I didn't want to hurt your feelings any because I know you have the self confidence of a lion and I knew you'd be honest". How you gonna' beat a girl(woman) like that???? Her favorite songs? My version of "Black Night" and Rick Estrin (who she says looks like the villian in the old movies)doing his "no hands Sonny Boy routine". My favorite line from her..."did you have enough spare show money from last night to spot me 30 bucks I need to get one of the grandchildren a birthday present?"..(she has 12 of the varmints) I got a great deal with this wife.....although I hear this: "you better close those doors to your office, I'm watching Desperate Housewives and that harp is an intrusion" "She who is to be feared" shall be obeyed, etc. etc. etc. Regards, Me
About 6 months into learning the harp when the wife realized that i was in for the long haul i noticed that she would ask me to do something every time i picked up a harp. This started to piss me off big time till i lost it and gave her a proper telling off pointing out what she was doing, something she seemed genuinely oblivius to, anyway after the row i must have been feeling a bit murderous cos i wrote this song
@ Ant: "My wife for one hates it. She loves music and she never used to to complain when i used to noodle around on my guitars BUT if i pull my harps out when she's in the house boy do know about it. I can see her tense up before i've got one out the box. So now i don't bother when she's about. I really only play when she's at her night lectures at Uni a couple of nights a week or i grab an hour here or there when she's not about.
She will watch my youtube vids when i upload a new one and say "oh your getting really good now" but i can tell she's not really bothered. "
This sums up my situation EXACTLY. Are you sure that we aren't married to the same woman?
My wife tolerates my obsession and I play in the kitchen
However even though I am nearly 60, females come on strong at gigs/open mics because they LOVE the harp. It is uncanny and has all to do with the sound; it is very powerful for females and males for that matter.
Last night one of the girls was only a bit older than my grandaughter!
So Ant they dont hate it they love it but you have to give it to 'em mate
I think hearing too much (even of a good thing) can be wearying for others. To ease the strain on our loved ones, we should remember Doctor Gussow's prescription: 'Repetition, with variation. RepeTItion, with variation. Repetition... with variation.'
My ex couldn't stand the harp. We were living together - we were both only 20 at that time - and she asked me to practice when she was out. For me it felt like asking to piss sitting down. I mean come on!!!
She had no problem with the guitar. Also, she really liked the outcome of the practice.
I had a girlfriend once who liked the sound so much she asked me to play for her in the middle of the night. She would close her eyes and just listen. But to be honest, I would play more in 3rd, 11th and 12 position stuff those nights. And I agree with most women: gutbucket blues is not too romantic.
But don't you ever tell yourself to stop? The days when the harp sounds like a toy whistle, especially if you play in positions. And you really think you are an idiot to have picked up the instrument in the first place. That's way worse than anyone else nagging about your playing.
Good thread...this is forum material!! NOT...but here goes anyway.. You may as well hang it up, and go out find a nice place to practice. You can't win. They will pull every trick in the book....and it never fails. Treating you like a litle boy with a new (annoying) toy...my ex saw nothing good in my passion for harp. And I'm pretty damn good...let that be known up front NOW! ha! sorry...but it's more true 'r, than not. The attention is not on THEM! You are just jackin off, without them. And since my divorce 5 yrs ago, I thought it best to not go there again, with a woman. (too much info) You can't blame them, can you? Unless, you can play something people can actually listen to. There is no redeeming quality to being held captive, while your other half drives you crazy...what d'you expect? We'd all love to hear this from our other half... ..."oh, honey?", she asks, "doesn't that riff need a little more wow factor?, and your phrasing is wrong, maybe you should try third position!!". Or this one..."C'mon honey, warble my pussy like you do with that harp!! I'm jealous...". That is probably true for some of you. That one always got my ex in a good mood. I'm a lot happier without her, believe me. It will take a special person to put up, or shut up, now. And I ain't holding my breath. I have a cat now. He doesn't like it either, but it's not life changing for me to work with. The sound hurts his ears. I have yet to meet a cat who likes harp. At least he is cool about it, and quickly leaves the room...that'd NEVER happen with my ex.
I Haven't met a women yet that Hates the Harp or Music When it comes to Wives or women, I often get songs recomended to me that i should sing and Play :)
Like a Wolf was One, and Now I can't not sing it at every Jam not only the ladys like it the Bro'd also request it:)
Ya Hanging with the wrong Crowd Bro's i hear a Whole lot of Mid Life Missery a Happening, and you thought you needed another New Harp somthin real fancy to spice life up a Bit :) ---------- Time to trade the Old Boiler In Bro's :)
Disagree completely. I've consistently found them to really enjoy it. The good ones (women) can't stand "guitar" players, unless they really can play the guitar, which does happen once in a great while.
Forgot to say, my girlfriend love my amplified playing much more than acoustic. ---------- Excuse my bad English. Click on my photo or my username for my music.
Last Edited by on Oct 27, 2010 8:29 AM
