OzarkRich
486 posts
May 29, 2014
12:03 PM
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With all the talk about mental illness in a recent thread I’ve decided it’s about time to jump back into things instead just lurking as I’ve done the past few months.
Some of you “old timers” may remember me. Up until 2012 I was a regular here. Next to family and church, blues harp was the most important thing in my life; I was at the intermediate level of playing, attended the first two Hill Country Harmonicas, attended the King Biscuit festival and Chicago blues festival every year, would even drive all day just to hear one of my favorites.
In January of 2012 all that changed. During the course of a few hours one afternoon, for no reason, I sunk into the deepest depression imaginable. Along with that was severe anxiety. After several days of hoping I would “snap out of it”, I had a complete mental breakdown and ended up in the emergency room. I was put on high doses of medications to stabilize me until I could see a psychiatrist. I spent the next couple weeks semi coherent and unable to walk without a cane. The Psychiatrist diagnosed me as having depression, anxiety and “elements” of both OCD and bipolar.
You would think that playing the blues would fit right in with my condition, but instead I lost all interest in anything, my only goal was keeping my sanity and trying to find some happiness. The next couple years were spent visiting both my psychiatrist and psychologist; there have been many ups and downs, especially trying to get my medications adjusted. I went from being semi coherent to a functional walking zombie to feeling almost human again. My psychologist released me last year and my psychiatrist has me down to four medications. The past six months I’ve been stable and am hoping it continues so from here on.
A few months ago I picked up a harmonica for the first time in two years. My playing is pretty rusty, and I’ve forgotten most of the songs I’ve learned, but most of the techniques seem to be intact. I have no interest currently in taking harmonica seriously but am hoping to at least get some enjoyment out of it again, playing “biker bar blues” and old spirituals through my little Pignose.
Thanks to all those who managed to read to this point.
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Ozark Rich
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Last Edited by OzarkRich on May 29, 2014 4:22 PM
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Danny_D
4 posts
May 29, 2014
12:32 PM
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It is very courageous of you to share your journey into the depths of darkness and back again. The best part is that you are back in touch with the harmonica and things are beginning to look up again.
Dan
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isaacullah
2768 posts
May 29, 2014
12:45 PM
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Indeed! Very courageous of you... I sometimes wonder what happened(s) to some former members here, and your story shows exactly how much could be going on in peoples "offline" lives that we "digital friends" have no idea about. I'm very glad to hear of your continuing recovery, however, and I do hope that the harmonica brings you some much needed joy! I know it does for me...
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Goldbrick
463 posts
May 29, 2014
1:12 PM
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Best wishes in your recovery
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nacoran
7785 posts
May 29, 2014
1:49 PM
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Welcome back.
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Nate
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First Post- May 8, 2009
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KingoBad
1479 posts
May 29, 2014
1:57 PM
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Hey ozarkrich! Glad to have you back here! I hope everything continues to improve for you. It was nice to see you at the Hill country too. I seem to remember you brought your son too?
Anyway, welcome back!
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Danny
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Dog Face
260 posts
May 29, 2014
2:18 PM
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Ozarkrich
It's good to hear from ya again. Thank you for sharing. I remember your cave blues. Whether you catch the harmonica bug again or not, good luck to you and your endeavors. Be safe, keep the faith, and don't let em tearrrrrr ya down.
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Brad
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SuperBee
2040 posts
May 29, 2014
2:28 PM
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All the best mate. That's heavy; I'm glad to hear you're on the up.
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jnorem
245 posts
May 29, 2014
2:43 PM
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We haven't met, Rich but I know whereof you speak. Chronic major depression with anxiety disorder, nothing but fun there. I see my shrink a couple of times a month, and, like you, I'm on four different meds.
And I'm okay, doing fine. It must be the meds, I guess, but I'm playing and getting back into painting and banging on my drums. It does get better, and playing music is the best therapy there is!
Good luck, man!
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Call me J
Last Edited by jnorem on May 29, 2014 2:44 PM
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BronzeWailer
1289 posts
May 29, 2014
4:03 PM
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Sounds like you've been through hell, Ozarkrich. Wishing you all the best. And welcome back!
BronzeWailer's YouTube
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OzarkRich
500 posts
May 29, 2014
5:39 PM
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Thanks for the kind words everyone!
@KingoBad - Yes my youngest was with me at HCH2. He's twelve now and seems to have lost interest in guitar and harp; video games have taken their place. He still likes the outdoors though.
@jnorem - Nice to know there's a kindred spirit here.
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Ozark Rich
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Hollistonharper
247 posts
May 29, 2014
7:05 PM
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Hey ozark,
I remember seeing you at HCH2 as well, and vividly recall your palpable joy and pride in having your son with you and sharing the experience with him. I'm painfully aware of how depression and bipolar disorder can disrupt family relationships and I hope your recovery allows you to maintain strong bonds with the people you love the most.
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mr_so&so
832 posts
May 31, 2014
9:12 AM
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Welcome back, Rich. I hope you can find your joy again and that the harp and this forum are there to support that.
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HarveyHarp
587 posts
May 31, 2014
9:22 AM
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Welcome Back Rich. I hope blowing harp helps. I know it does me.
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HarveyHarp
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jbone
1640 posts
May 31, 2014
10:01 PM
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I remember you Rich, I think you almost came down to a seminar with Adam here in Little Rock in '11 or '12.
What a strange journey you've been on! Was there ever a reason found what caused your depression? I know I wrestled with it from time to time but this sounds like an avalanche hit you rather than a garden variety
sort- not to make light believe me!
I have had my suicidal moments in the far past, mainly brought on when self-medicating quit working and became part of my overall problem. For me, finding my way to a recovery program has worked wonders.
Perhaps music can help you, perhaps not. I doubt it will hurt anything! I appreciate your willingness to disclose such a huge event in your life to us here. You have real courage.
Best wishes on getting past this rough spot, and we here are at least an ear for you. Peace Brother!
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bublnsqueak
27 posts
May 31, 2014
10:52 PM
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Warm thoughts!
Paul
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OzarkRich
502 posts
Jun 01, 2014
4:28 AM
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@Jbone - Yes, almost made it down there; instead had to deal with a pressing issue on a rental property.
As far as a cause, they assume I developed a chemical imbalance in the brain. In the past I had a couple mini-aneurysms that caused headaches and vertigo so there might be a connection there too.
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Ozark Rich
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Thievin' Heathen
322 posts
Jun 01, 2014
7:27 AM
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Rich,
Welcome back. What a strange curve ball life threw you. You may not feel this way, but you are very fortunate to have received competent medical care. Too often, the symptoms of what is a very real medical problem will alienate the only people who can be there to get us help. You must have been doing something right.
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Rubes
856 posts
Jun 03, 2014
4:08 AM
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Keep harpin' Ozark!
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