didjcripey
205 posts
Mar 09, 2012
10:59 PM
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Best way to get over a woman? Chase another one.
Got with the love of my life after I was dumped on my birthday by one of the many women who I was madly in love (lust?) with.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and you won't catch any if your line is not in the water.
What I wouldn't give to be 24 and single again!
And get a grip; nobody is going to be interested in you if you are moping around.
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Lucky Lester
Last Edited by on Mar 10, 2012 12:27 AM
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nacoran
5361 posts
Mar 10, 2012
1:06 AM
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When you are shy around girls I think it's easy to get hung up on one in particular. It's the same with anything really; the more you have going on in your life the less any one thing will trip you up. Of course, there is a time to get serious about one woman, but it's not before you've even been on a date with her, but it happens.
I'm pretty shy in public myself. I can force myself to be social, but it takes all my energy and leaves me exhausted. I'm still not great at talking to women. It's one of the things I talk to my shrink about. I've really been trying to talk to reopen my social circle. I went through a stretch where I was in real danger of becoming a shut-in (I've got pretty bad OCD on top of my other anxiety issues.) One of the things I've done is deliberately tried not to thing of any one particular woman as a 'woman'. I just try to talk to people, and that let's me talk to women, and that means that instead of having just that one girl I'm crazy about, that I can't stop thinking about, I've got several women I talk to occasionally. When I was younger I'd project a lot onto whoever I was crazy about at that time instead of just living in the moment. Instead of thinking, hey, this is THE woman for me, I try to say, cool, I'm talking to a woman. If it turns into more, great, but I try to make sure I don't scale up my expectations beyond where they really should be. It's tough, because you are really describing three different problems rolled into one... loss, rejection and shyness. Loss is loss. Tell yourself there are more girls out there. Rejection, well, it stings, but it's better than not trying at all. Shyness, that's a tough one. It can be caused by anxiety or by genuinely just being an introvert. Some people (myself included) just feel overstimulated around too many new people.
Of course, it's easier to know what to do than to actually do it. Good luck.
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didjcripey
206 posts
Mar 10, 2012
2:42 AM
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I think if you are serious about a woman who you haven't even been on a date with, you are probably in love with an illusion; a projection of your desires and needs. It sets you up for a fall when reality kicks in; no one will be able to live up to the expectations. It can also be pretty scary for the other person; desperation is not a turn on for most women. Interested, but a little cool and casual has always worked for me.
Empathy, good manners and grooming go a long way too.
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Lucky Lester
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eharp
1745 posts
Mar 10, 2012
5:59 AM
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i agree- you were not in love. you new her superficially. you were in love with the thought of being in love.
meeting women is not much different that playing on stage. most of us worry about getting rejected. "what if they dont like me?"
your self confidence is low.
you gotta get a mindset that you just dont give a damn what anyone thinks of you. every time i play, i worry about rejection or being laughed at.
what you need to do before approaching a woman is convince yourself that you got YOUR s**t together. then actually believe that you dont care if she ignores or snubs or laughs at you. it doesnt matter.
why? because you do not give a damn about her opinion! you will never see or talk with her again. she was nothing to you before. she will be nothing to you afterwards.
this will make the pain of rejection not sting as much. and you will get rejected! not all the time, but most. that's the way it goes. it's a numbers game. you gotta play the odds.
if i was out your way, i would sure stop in for a game of chess. great game.
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billy_shines
180 posts
Mar 10, 2012
12:47 PM
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dude you dont pick them they pick you. if they dont have the bright lights on in their eyes it aint happening. once youre in the freind zone youre gonna stay there. a mans sexuality is obvious dont try hard they hate that. yes happy people are more attractive than sad sacks of shit. thats why its always feast or famine. if youre happy and in love it shows on youre face and other women will find you attractive too. when you do decide to pick up women because theyre simply not approcing you with the bright lights on smiling and twirling the hair. 1 DONT GO FOR WHAT YOU KNOW (out of towners no one local and definately not the girl next door youll have to see them when you break up) 2 WORK ALONE!(dont hang with 50 guys and try to pick up girls)
3 go for the sad one sitting alone staring at the end of her cigarette (she wants company and if you ask "is anyone sitting here?") the answer is gonna be no. then the defences come and this is how you break it down you do the opposite. she crosses her arms/legs you open yours. one thing that even your first cousin will really hate when youre out together is you looking at other girls (remember youre sexuality is obvious?) what you do is dont talk alot its not about you listen to her. rest your hand on the side of your face and make eye contact 80% of the time. listen to everything she says like its the most important thing in the world DO NOT YAWN! this resting your elbow on the table and your hand on the side of your face prevents you from rubbernecking and looking at the waitress. remember youre a man you were born with brain damage they want you to be like their girlfreind. you must dance, write spontaneous poetry and or but flowers if you are ever even one minute late for a date. you have to remember birthdays etc everything you find unimportant. its alot of work. more later work on not being a sad sack of shit right now.
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easyreeder
237 posts
Mar 10, 2012
5:03 PM
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@didjcripey:
"Best way to get over a woman? Chase another one."
Where were you when I was 20?????
@tolga
You've written the story of my life in my twenties. Read didjcripey's posts, then read 'em again. there's a world of wisdom there.
You are not alone, it just feels like that.
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bluemoose
695 posts
Mar 10, 2012
5:23 PM
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"remember youre a man you were born with brain damage they want you to be like their girlfreind. you must dance, write spontaneous poetry and or but flowers if you are ever even one minute late for a date"
Learn to dance. Swing, jive, Ceroc. Get some hot shoes.
Women will be all over you.
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billy_shines
187 posts
Mar 10, 2012
7:58 PM
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i had hernia surgery i was in pain and my wife took me out anyway. she said get up and dance i said i cant im in pain i need to get home call a taxi. she said get up and dance or ill dance with that jerk over there. i got up and danced almost ripped my stitches out but i did it you got to. now finally when you do get lucky. she will look at you and ask 'what are you thinking about?" dont ever say the truth tell a lie. this is the only instance you should ever lie say bigfoot stick puppets anything but youre real thoughts. women are hardwired to figure you out. once they do they dump you like a hot potato and get someone else usually one of your freinds. so keep up the mystery and dont be honest here. and dont cheat they always know theres no way you can get away with it. no matter how clever you are remember you have brain damage they have a psychic ability to spot a cheater. they are witches.
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billy_shines
190 posts
Mar 11, 2012
12:13 AM
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ok next lesson learn to sing harp isnt enough but more importantly pimps are absolute jerks but chicks love them know why? LONG HAIR AND BRIGHT COLORS! close your eyes pan your head somewhere in the room at random. open them first thing you notice is something red or close to red like pink or orange. wear something eye catching. a scarf a flower (girls love flowers) if you dont have a lightshow to command attention you need shiny things. the total pimpin suit was too much for me, formal wear guys would hand me their keys while waiting on a cab and say park it. or they think you wait on tables. ive work wrap around shades before the blues bros before zz topps song etc. when i had hair to my ass and people called me bug man. (remember the man of mystery?) ive always work jeans with holes in them back when patches were cool and before anyone in the culture depraved south heard of the ramones (why dont you make cutoffs?) despite this downward appearance theres one thing that always gets me by the dress codes and attracts women and commands satge attention. and no its not a sharkskin suit im an absolute slob that wears paint and coffee. GAUDY JACKETS! shiny silk italian ones. glitter ones spangles the shinier the better. and juts wear them and just act like you dont know its on yknow like when you wake up from being drunk and you dont know your freinds drew all over your face. and im serious walk right into a biker bar like you have no idea you have a shiny gaudy las vegas number on you can smell like work have on jeans a t shirt with cig holes and your place of work written on it. out of sight out of mind. when your too cool you dont have to look left or right let them approach you. more later on playing cowboy later.
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Greyowlphotoart
941 posts
Mar 11, 2012
3:23 AM
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Man I would take the positives from this situation.
1. Even though you're shy you plucked up courage and talked to her.
2. You put aside thoughts of rejection and had the guts to ask for her number.
3. She gave you her number even though she already had a boyfriend.
You got a tremendous buzz out of the whole experience.
Just imagine what could happen with someone unattached.
Here are a few lines from a film called Adaptation. It is nothing like your circumstances but it speaks of rejection in school years and how this guy got his head around it.
Charlie Kaufman: There was this time in high school. I was watching you out the library window. You were talking to Sarah Marsh.
Donald Kaufman: Oh, God. I was so in love with her.
Charlie Kaufman: I know. And you were flirting with her. And she was being really sweet to you.
Donald Kaufman: I remember that.
Charlie Kaufman: Then, when you walked away, she started making fun of you with Kim Canetti. And it was like they were laughing at you. You didn't know at all. You seemed so happy.
Donald Kaufman: I knew. I heard them.
Charlie Kaufman: How come you looked so happy?
Donald Kaufman: I loved Sarah, Charles. It was mine, that love. I owned it. Even Sarah didn't have the right to take it away. I can love whoever I want.
Charlie Kaufman: But she thought you were pathetic.
Donald Kaufman: That was her business, not mine. You are what you love, not what loves you. That's what I decided a long time ago..
We all experience rejection in life, relationships, musically, our ideas.
Move on, better luck next time.
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Last Edited by on Mar 11, 2012 3:27 AM
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didjcripey
207 posts
Mar 11, 2012
3:40 AM
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I guess it depends on where you are, but if you're going to follow Billy's advice (long hair, red shiny jackets, scarves, flowers and biker bars) you'd probably better learn to fight too.
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Lucky Lester
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LIP RIPPER
567 posts
Mar 11, 2012
5:08 AM
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dude you dont pick them they pick you
You best me to the draw Billy.
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billy_shines
193 posts
Mar 11, 2012
12:28 PM
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oh yeah you gotta be able to fight. but i meant like a winter scarve. red orange mixed with black it could be a football team i didnt mean a silk scarf. could be a tie too. and shiny as in sharkskin, silk i get away with spangles not everyone can. one jacket was a red and white striped toy r us employee jacket. flower as in flower in the lapel not in your hair. once i was in a night club blowing bubbles and this guy across the bar was like look at this f*&^ot blowing bubbles within 30 seconds i had an audience of 10 girls.they were buying me drinks. why? girls find bubbles irresistible. always carry bubble soap in your gaudy jacket.
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isaacullah
1852 posts
Mar 11, 2012
1:07 PM
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Dude, I know I ain't that much older than you (I'm 32), but I've definitely had my heart broken a few times before in the past. And when it happened I was all stuck up in my room too. I'm not asocial, but when I was younger I didn't have much confidence around the womens. Feeling that way sucks, for sure.
But here's the thing: you have an advantage. You play harp. If I was playing harp back then like I do now, I tell you what I would would have done. Instead of getting all weird up in my room by myself, I would have just gone out on the street with my box of harps, found a doorway to post up in, put out the tips hat, and I would have just blowed and blowed and blowed. Seriously. Go out and play on the street. Do it now. You will feel better. You are already playing harp in your room, just go out on the street and do the same thing. It'll be better because you won't be alone. And you'll get some tips, and that feels good. Seriously. Go out and play on the street.
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isaacullah
1853 posts
Mar 11, 2012
1:10 PM
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Oh, and by the way, having my heart bruised a couple of times is what eventually lead to me gaining confidence with the womens. I was like, "Well, I lived through that pain, and that's the worse it'll ever be, so why not go talk to that lady over there? If she says 'no', it can't be as bad as what I was feeling before!". Any you know what? That worked.
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Jehosaphat
192 posts
Mar 11, 2012
1:15 PM
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Billy you are cracking me up.(and you have obviously never been in a Kiwi Bikers Bar;-) )
Keep 'em coming.
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billy_shines
194 posts
Mar 11, 2012
4:14 PM
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when billy shines was 24 he went everywhere did everything and never let a weekend go to waste.
how could i get beat up in this jacket? http://www.ereboss.com/811-888-large/casual-blazerclassic-blazermodern-blazerdesigner-blazerfashion-jacketdress-jacket.jpg
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didjcripey
208 posts
Mar 11, 2012
6:48 PM
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@billy :'how could I get beat up in this jacket'?
come to Australia; no worries
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Lucky Lester
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