geordiebluesman
500 posts
Nov 18, 2011
3:42 AM
|
I was in hospital on tuesday to have my third Pacemaker fitted,( it was booked in a few weeks back but then cancelled on the day of surgery cos the surgen felt ill which was a bit stressfull so i thought i would get some revenge.
I still have my first Pacemaker i got it back when they changed it and put it on my key ring with an LED attached so i could see how long i would have lasted without the new one.
When it eventually packed in many months later i persauded my wife to give me a night out and sexual favours as it was, in my mind, the first day of the rest off my life, and the silly cow actually agreed!.
Anyway they do Pacemaker swops under Local Anasthetic in England so i took the old unit with me, i decided i would take it into the operating theatre get it a bit bloody make a commotion and drop it on the floor whilst rolling my eyes back and making gurgeling last breath type noises, Te He what a wicked wheeze!.
All was ready i was on the trolly with the thing in my mit and thinking this is gonna be great when the doc started asking me why i was'nt sedated as i had allready been given a load of Valium and other knock out stuff, well i must of been getting off on it cos i started dissin the hospitals drugs saying" hey mate ya drugs are crap i get more wasted than this before breakfast when i go to Glastonbury!.
Well i had one of those lines in the back of my hand so they hooked up a tube and gave me some proper knock out juice, still nothing except rising levels or drug related ridicule from yours truly,so i got somemore then a third dose and i was still taking the piss!.
The doc was waiting to get stuck in and he said to the Anethnatist "how much has he had" and she said "three doses" and he said " bloody hell it's a lot less bother with the Oldies give him another" and that as they say was all she wrote.
I woke up several hours later and the doc came round and sat down, holds his hand out and there's my old pacemaker.
"what did you have this for" he asked so i told him and he thought it was the funniest thing! he said i was sitting up in mid rant and then went out like a light and a pacemaker fell out of my hand and rolled across the operating room floor and everyone in there just stood staring at it in open mouthed amazment totaly unable to work out what was happening! then he gave me a bollocking about sterile conditions and how i was an idiot etc etc, but i'm not an idiot coz i washed the thing with that sterilizing foam stuff that they have at the entry to each ward so it was fine....Probably!
|
Andrew
1482 posts
Nov 18, 2011
4:00 AM
|
Only amusing thing I can offer is my gf's husband was a doctor before he died and he asked a surgeon friend to perform a vasectomy on him during his lunchbreak. As the surgeon was getting ready, my gf's husband said "you don't mind if I smoke, do you?" and the surgeon replied, "if you're going to smoke, then so am I," so the vasectomy was performed with patient and surgeon both smoking cigarettes during the procedure!
Nurse, pass the ash-tray!
----------
Andrew.
-----------------------------------------
Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.
Last Edited by on Nov 18, 2011 4:01 AM
|
nacoran
4955 posts
Nov 18, 2011
4:12 AM
|
Next time maybe you can put an alien under your shirt. :)
----------
Nate
Facebook
Thread Organizer (A list of all sorts of useful threads)
|
tookatooka
2586 posts
Nov 18, 2011
4:25 AM
|
I had to go and see my doctor about getting out of breath. He said Mr Tooka, I'm sorry but you really must stop masturbating. I said, oh! Why? He said because I'm trying to give you an examination.
Sorry Geordie, couldn't resist. Liked your story though.
Last Edited by on Nov 18, 2011 9:06 AM
|
Pistolcat
35 posts
Nov 18, 2011
8:33 AM
|
@tooka - Hah! That's a good one. Reminds me of a newspaper clip I read the other day: A trucker had caused an accident in a roundabout. The police suspected that he had been masturbating while driving.
This conclusion wasn't drawn from the crime-scene investigation, with UV-lights and whatnot. No, the driver continued masturbating in the police holding cell and the interrogation room!
----------
Pistolkatt - Pistolkatts youtube
|
LSC
108 posts
Nov 18, 2011
9:36 AM
|
About 14 years ago when I was living in Holland I had a quintuple coronary bypass. I had been in a small hospital in Hilversum waiting for the surgery which was done in Utrecht, a town nearby. At the time I made my living fronting a Blues Brothers tribute act. Being a small hospital, and having spent nearly 3 months there, this was well known by the staff.
A few days after the surgery I was transported by ambulance from Utrecht back to the hospital in Hilversum. I had my girlfriend at the time bring me my hat, sunglasses, and briefcase with handcuffs. Before they loaded me into the ambulance I donned all of the above and arrived at the hospital in Hilversum in full Blues Brothers regalia. As I was rolled on a gurney though various public corridors to my room there was much pointing, giggles, and best of all, one loud John Lee Hooker, "How How How How".
----------
LSC
Last Edited by on Nov 18, 2011 9:37 AM
|
Tommy the Hat
429 posts
Nov 19, 2011
12:19 PM
|
This gives me an idea for anyone getting a vasectomy. Run out of the office screaming with a flesh colored dildo in your hand .
----------
Tommy
YouTube
|
FMWoodeye
27 posts
Nov 20, 2011
5:31 PM
|
I have a standard routine whenever I am subjected to a digital rectal exam (prostate) or a colonoscopy. At the moment my sphincter is penetrated, I start singing that song from Young Frankenstein: Sweet mystery of life at last I've found yoooooouuuuuu!!
|
tookatooka
2588 posts
Nov 21, 2011
3:36 AM
|
Hey Geordie! You should be sitting on the back of your yacht in the West Indies sipping a Newcastle Brown ale on the strength of your non stick shower curtains. Did anything come of that idea in the end?
Last Edited by on Nov 21, 2011 3:37 AM
|
