Heading in the right direction; I think it's an improvement over the first version. However; like I said before (and as MrVerylongusername said above) I just can't get into the groove I'm afraid mate.
Frankly, it's not my kind of music, but I found interesting the way in which rhythms overlap. That make for a rich listening. Not yet Charles Ives, but...
In that sense, the minus is your voice. Nothing wrong with your singing though. But maybe you could sing with clearer attacks and articulation, to stay in the mood of that piece, and maybe adding another rhythmic layer. On the opposite, flatening your voice could work too, by opposition. But now, I feel that you're like in beetween. (hope I make sense)
