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Dirty-South Blues Harp forum: wail on! >
An original song for your appraisal
An original song for your appraisal
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mr_so&so
759 posts
Nov 20, 2013
2:14 PM
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Here's a song I wrote. I'm still working on it in terms of how to arrange it for solo voice and harp. It still needs a lot of shedding, but I'd like your comments please.
From my point of view, I'm still learning to stomp to keep time, and I'm not sure if I'm getting the rhythm right. Is it swinging at all? I'm not sure, but I think I'm getting there. I'm also trying to leave space to improvise on harp while holding the tune together, and to cover the whole harp in second position. It's a G harp, BTW.
I'd appreciate feedback on any aspect of this song. Thanks for listening.
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BronzeWailer
1162 posts
Nov 21, 2013
3:37 AM
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Thanks for sharing Mr S&S. I like to hear what people are writing and thinking there should be more of it! A bit reminiscent of Tuxedo Junction at the start. I liked the dynamics when you sang STARVING. High-end stuff was a nice touch. Adds variety. Would be interested to hear it with guitar too.
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BronzeWailer's YouTube
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kudzurunner
4390 posts
Nov 21, 2013
4:13 AM
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I like it. You've got a full rich tone; some resonance there. The Tuxedo Junction echo in the opening phrase is useful; it pulls listeners in. I really like the unexpected TB run at the end (and the overblow, of course). That's the original element, the one that distinguishes it from Tuxedo Junction.
The biggest room for improvement that I hear is in the matter of intensity. It doesn't sound as though you're committed to what you're playing. It sounds as though it's in the subjunctive tense--which is to say, as though you're not wholly identified with the song. It sounds as though you're noodling; as though you're saying, "I COULD play it like this." Now, relaxation IS important, but it needs to be in dynamic tension with full commitment, and that commitment, or lack of commitment, is something that your listeners will immediately pick up on through the timbre and timing of your notes.
The song is a sexual come-on. It's the bumble bee doing a little dance to get Ms. Queen Bee's attention. That is literally what the song, "Fill My Cup," is about. So make it a little sexier. Play it, and sing it, with twice the intensity. Make it pop. Then find a way of adding relaxation. Focusing on both of those energetic principles will help you avoid slackness
Last Edited by kudzurunner on Nov 21, 2013 4:16 AM
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jbone
1417 posts
Nov 21, 2013
4:33 AM
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For a first effort, total bravo! I actually am attracted to the laid back aspect you show here. Recording is such an effective tool to sort out how you want to proceed.
The truth for me is, a lot of songs I've written have come out to the jam night and I've thrown them on the mercy of a house band or even strangers. If a song survives that kind of treatment and I still like it I will continue working on it.
As you work and practice on this song it will become stronger and you will play it with more conviction. At the same time keep in mind that sometimes a laid back approach can hook an audience.
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http://www.reverbnation.com/jawboneandjolene
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000386839482
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa7La7yYYeE
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KingoBad
1413 posts
Nov 21, 2013
5:50 AM
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I like it, but for my taste, I would swing it.
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Danny
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The Iceman
1283 posts
Nov 21, 2013
6:41 AM
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Your vocals are suggesting a minor third to the melody.
When you play harmonica to "echo" the melody, the harmonica is playing a major third.
Focus on that 3 hole inhale first bend to make harmonica better reproduce your vocal line.
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The Iceman
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mr_so&so
760 posts
Nov 21, 2013
9:29 AM
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I really appreciate everyone's feedback so far.
@BronzeWailer, on the melody, I guess I was channelling a bit of Tuxedo Junction there, but not consciously. Interesting, the musical memes we carry around from all the tunes we've heard. Erskine Hawkins' estate will have to hunt me down, but they should wait until I get rich off it first ;)
@Adam. I hear you. At this point I can barely play it through without screwing something up or bumbling the lyrics. My singing needs a lot more woodshedding. Your right that I am still noodling the harp parts (I'd like to think of it as experimenting with the melody). Frankly, I'm still gaining confidence with the middle and upper octaves in 2nd position, so some of my forays up there are done not quite knowing where I'm headed. I'll take your advice to heart though and work on selling the song with conviction.
@jbone. Thanks. I'm enjoying the process of writing songs. I don't have any other musicians right now to play with, so it's extra challenging to see if I can make it work on my own.
@Frank, Thanks. You've hit the nail on the head there. I need to cultivate a stage persona.
@KingoBad, Thanks. It feels swingy to me, but I'm not clear on how I would go about swinging it, if I'm not there yet. I've tried playing to a rhythm track with emphasis on beats 2 and 4. I'm not sure where I should come in. Any thoughts on how to swing it?
@The Iceman, Thanks. I have good control over the 3d bends, so I'll listen closely to see if I can hear what you're hearing.
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Last Edited by mr_so&so on Nov 21, 2013 9:35 AM
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JInx
641 posts
Nov 21, 2013
11:29 AM
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it's definitely swinging, i like it
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Sun, sun, sun
Burn, burn, burn
Soon, soon, soon
Moon, moon, moon
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jbone
1418 posts
Nov 22, 2013
4:12 AM
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mr. s&s, what you are doing is developing something that other musicians will come to you for. It can be a heady experience to have players look to you to front a band whether at open mic, a party, or as a working outfit.
Singing allows for more freedom of choice in what a band does material-wise.
Jolene and I are working on our second all-original blues/roots cd right now despite my needing to not sing for several months. We're still doing what we can and she's doing more vocals.
I damaged my vocal cords singing too damn loud for a year and a half. I dropped that project and am now working exclusively with Jolene. We will add rhythm guys later and then record. Meanwhile my voice has to rest.
Don't fall into having to try and sing too loud! I neglected to pay attention to my air column, breathing deeply, and warming up. I allowed someone else to determine my mic volume. These were bad mistakes I will not repeat.
Jo and I will keep things laid back and turned up enough.
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http://www.reverbnation.com/jawboneandjolene
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000386839482
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wa7La7yYYeE
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