waltertore
2252 posts
May 15, 2012
9:15 AM
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This comes across as a pretty simple question-answer type thing but as the years continue to go by and I am finding peace with my life, I am finding new meaning in this question.
Starting out I was completely musically satified. I was a little baby making noises, and loving it :-) As I grew older and started playing musicial instruments I often felt I wasn't satified with my playing. I would look up to others and compare. But if I was able to go back in time and grab myself in mid sentence, I would ask myself- Walter are you satified with your music void of all outside influences that play in your brain? I would have to say yes and yes again throughout my career. Why? Not because I was better than anyone, but because it simply made me feel good inside when I played. My soul gave this message. My head told me I was better than so and so's but worse than so and so's. It was a never ending no win situation for being satified.
My mind tells me lots of negative crap. I have let that jade my joys throughout my life. Now I am at a place where I am less negative in the head and my soul is singing front and center stage more and more. I realize I have always been satified with my artistic endeavors, and my life in general.
I believe we are all in the right place whether we like it or not. Often times it is to face stuff that is unfinished in our souls. The problem is the head takes over much too often. The soul is a quiet thing and will not roar up to compete with the head. I fell prey to my head most of my life. Now I am excited about these situations that are continually calling me to look at my baggage.
I don't play live much anymore but play more hours in my studio than I did when I played full time on stages. I struggled with the transition from full time musician to part time musician. I thought I sold out. My head generated all this stuff. I now realize one can create as much BS on a stage as either a full time or part time player. Full timers learn to mask it better...... I am accepting where I am at and am excited about it. I feel live gigs increasing on the horizion in proportion to my being able to process it all in a peaceful way. That is all new to me. I read about Diggs leaving and not being asked to play Adam's festival. I can relate to that. I have been there until recently, feeling the world shuns what I do for fear of different. Now I am happy with my current status on the music scene. Life is a great opportunity to come to peace before dying and for people like me, this is taking a lifetime.
In conclusion I can now honestly say I was am as satified today as I was the first time I picked up an instrument, brush, pencil. The feeling was always there. That darn head just got in the way most of my life. Food for thought................. Walter
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walter tore's spontobeat - a real one man band and over 1 million spontaneously created songs and growing. I record about 300 full length cds a year.
" life is a daring adventure or nothing at all" - helen keller
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Last Edited by on May 15, 2012 9:43 AM
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