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harmonica player jokes
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MP
16 posts
Feb 27, 2010
10:52 AM
Q. what's the diffence between a frog and a harp player? A. the frog can probably read music. A. people like frogs. A. frogs aren't on foodstamps. A. frog's got gigs. A. people run over frogs by accident.
nacoran
1270 posts
Feb 27, 2010
11:14 AM
Hey, I can read music...
harmonicanick
629 posts
Feb 27, 2010
11:22 AM
and I got gigs..
MP
17 posts
Feb 27, 2010
11:25 AM
but no sense of humor i suspect.
harmonicanick
630 posts
Feb 27, 2010
11:36 AM
I'm a drummer as well mate:-)
MP
18 posts
Feb 27, 2010
12:33 PM
whoa! i can read and and have been gigging since marine bands came in cardboard boxes. are most people on this site so uptight that a joke at their expense becomes a debate forum? that tone fiasco is evidence to support my suspicions. lighten up. you guys take yourselves WAY too seriously. most blues harp players-sorry to inform you- can't read a lick. most don't have gigs. this is the blues harp forum, or am i mistaken and have somehow wound up on a FOX news blog.

Last Edited by on Feb 27, 2010 12:37 PM
congaron
586 posts
Feb 27, 2010
12:46 PM
which tone discussion? For the record..i refuse to take an internet forum argument seriously regardless of topic.

By seriously, I mean seriously enough to get mad or mean. I think they are all interesting...as studies, if nothing more.
MJ
115 posts
Feb 27, 2010
1:03 PM
Q. How is playing a Harmonica like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
MP
19 posts
Feb 27, 2010
1:21 PM
HAH! good one MJ! this is what i meant to happen when i started this topic! congaron, the tone discussion i'm refering to is super long-you can't miss it- and was mostly about TB vs LP. i couldn't take it seriously so i only wrote nonsense, but some guys were getting kinda wierd i thought.
OzarkRich
123 posts
Feb 27, 2010
1:36 PM
Q: How do you know if the stage is level?
A: The harp player is drooling out both sides of his mouth!
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Ozark Rich

YouTube: OzarkRich

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MJ
116 posts
Feb 27, 2010
1:59 PM
Q. Why are so many harp player jokes one liners?
A. So the rest of the band can understand them.
OzarkRich
124 posts
Feb 27, 2010
2:00 PM
Q: How many harp players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb and a dozen to discuss whether to do it TB or LP.
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Ozark Rich

YouTube: OzarkRich

Facebook: php?ref=profile&id=100000279894342
MJ
117 posts
Feb 27, 2010
2:03 PM
Whats the Difference between a prostitute and a harp player?
A prostitute knows more than one position
MJ
118 posts
Feb 27, 2010
2:04 PM
What's the difference between a dead snake and in the road and a harp player in the middle of the road?

There are skid marks leading up to the snake.

Last Edited by on Feb 27, 2010 2:08 PM
nacoran
1273 posts
Feb 27, 2010
2:05 PM
I was just saying I read music to put emphasis on the other ones. It's like saying, 'Your momma is a fat, has a lazy eye, and smells like rotten cabbage.' and getting a response of 'my mom doesn't have a lazy eye.'
Blown Out Reed
65 posts
Feb 27, 2010
2:24 PM
He Plays Southern Songs So Naturally
People Put Cotton In Their Ears!
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OzarkRich
125 posts
Feb 27, 2010
2:26 PM
My eight year old came up with this one just now:

Q: Why is the guitar lazier than the harmonica?
A: Because you have to tuneup the guitar every time.
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Ozark Rich

YouTube: OzarkRich

Facebook: php?ref=profile&id=100000279894342

Last Edited by on Feb 27, 2010 2:28 PM
OzarkRich
126 posts
Feb 27, 2010
4:01 PM
All harmonica jokes from The New JT30 Page

Why do dogs howl when harmonica players play?
They're trying to tell them how the song goes.

What do you call a harmonica player's accompanist?
Fido.

What do the best harmonica players have in common?
They all suck.

What do you call a harmonica player who doesn't step all over the singer's lines?
Deceased.

What do you say at the end of a great harmonica solo?
"Thank God."

How many harmonica players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Five. One to screw it in and four to determine if it should be in straight or cross position.

What do you call a harmonica player who says he knows what notes he's playing?
A liar.

Why do harmonica players say they play a "harp"?
1. So you won't think they play a harmonica.
2. "Harmonica" is a four-syllable word.

Which is better: electric guitar or harmonica?
Electric guitar. You can't beat a harmonica player to death with a harmonica.

What do you call a harmonica player in a brand new suit?
Dearly departed.

What do you call a groupie who hangs around and annoys musicians?
A harmonica player.

If you threw a guitar player and a harmonica player off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
The guitar player. The harp would have to stop halfway down to ask what key they're in.

A blues musician dies and goes to heaven. He is told "Hey man, welcome! You have been elected to the Blues All-Stars of Heaven--right up there with Muddy and the Wolf and Freddy King, all the greats. We have a gig tonight. Only one problem--God gets to play harmonica."

What does a harp player do in his life's most tender moments?
He puts his reverb on "slow".

Why were vintage guitar amplifiers invented?
So the harp player would have a place to put his beer.

A guitar player says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my guitar."
His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"
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Ozark Rich

YouTube: OzarkRich

Facebook: php?ref=profile&id=100000279894342
MP
20 posts
Feb 27, 2010
4:51 PM
ALRIIIIGHT!!!!!!
Ev630
99 posts
Feb 27, 2010
5:03 PM
Q: How do you know there's a harp player at your front door at 3 am?

A: He can't find the key and doesn't know the right time to come in.

Q: What's the difference between a supreme pizza and a professional harp player?

A: The pizza can feed a family of four.
wheezer
149 posts
Feb 27, 2010
5:22 PM
What do you throw a drowning harmonica player? His amp.
MJ
119 posts
Feb 27, 2010
5:32 PM
Q: What do you have when you've got a harminica player up to his neck in sand?



A: Not enough sand.
jawbone
265 posts
Feb 27, 2010
5:48 PM
What do you call a harp player with no girlfriend?
Homeless!!
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If it ain't got harp - it ain't really blues!!!!
kudzurunner
1137 posts
Feb 27, 2010
6:03 PM
My god. This must be the second full moon this month--and the month is February: the shortest of the year.

What's the difference between a trombone player and a harmonica player?

The trombone player gets to keep his day gig because he HAS a day gig.
kudzurunner
1138 posts
Feb 27, 2010
6:05 PM
What's the difference between a harmonica player and a crippled, learning-disabled, one-eyed Inuit dwarf?

"That's not funny," raved the harmonica player. "Why are you always making fun of me?"

Last Edited by on Feb 27, 2010 6:05 PM
kudzurunner
1139 posts
Feb 27, 2010
6:09 PM
And now for a message from your sponsor...........



Webern should be kept away from small children.

Last Edited by on Feb 27, 2010 6:10 PM
MP
21 posts
Feb 27, 2010
6:09 PM
what did the blues harp player say when he was asked why he keeps leaving the bandstand? 'I HATE IT WHEN THE BAND STOPS PLAYING SONGS THAT GO, DUNT DA DUNT DA DUNT DA DUNT DA!'
MJ
120 posts
Feb 27, 2010
6:14 PM
What's the difference between a soundman and a toilet seat?


The toilet seat only has to deal with one ******* at a time.
NiteCrawler .
42 posts
Feb 27, 2010
6:19 PM
What happens when you play a blues record backwards?You are released from prison,your wife comes back to you and your dog comes back to life.Not a harp joke but I had to throw something into the mix.
stephenf26
5 posts
Feb 27, 2010
8:30 PM
Two harp players walked past a bar.
Well, sometimes it happens.
Blown Out Reed
67 posts
Feb 27, 2010
9:59 PM
A Harp Player Put a CD out But It Didn't Do Very Well
He Forgot To Put A Hole In The Center!
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MJ
121 posts
Feb 27, 2010
10:29 PM
What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?


New Age music.
MJ
122 posts
Feb 27, 2010
10:31 PM
How do you turn a duck into a soul artist?



Put it in the oven until it's Bill Withers.

Last Edited by on Feb 28, 2010 8:15 AM
nacoran
1275 posts
Feb 27, 2010
11:05 PM
MJ- It's it's. Its is possessive. It took me years to get that straight.

Adam, here is something to balance out the violinist from hell.

MJ
123 posts
Feb 28, 2010
8:14 AM
I stand corrected. Thank you.
MJ
124 posts
Feb 28, 2010
8:38 AM
What kind of microphone works best for the harp player in a live band?



A cordless with a dead battery
MJ
125 posts
Feb 28, 2010
8:40 AM
Mark Twian's definition of a gentleman:


A man that can play the harmonica and don't.

Last Edited by on Feb 28, 2010 8:40 AM
Jfllr1
168 posts
Feb 28, 2010
8:54 AM
Q:Which can you throw further, bagpipes or a harmonica?
A: Who cares?

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"Blow as thou pleaseth"
wailing
4 posts
Feb 28, 2010
9:27 AM
What does a harmonica player get when he or she throws there harmonica away? The perfect pitch
MP
22 posts
Feb 28, 2010
11:03 AM
these are all great, but gotta say my favorite is mark twains definition of of a gentleman by MJ. 'a man that can play harmonica and don't.' i'm positive my dog wishes i were a gentleman. she's my worst critic. my biggest fan is a table top vornado.
gene
395 posts
Feb 28, 2010
11:09 AM
(An Irishman joke, really, but what the heck...)

How many harmonica players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and the other to drink until the room spins.


BTW:
I love the second violin video.
I don't hear anything wrong with the first one, either. I think that girl is every bit as good as Jack Benny.

Last Edited by on Feb 28, 2010 11:12 AM
nacoran
1283 posts
Feb 28, 2010
11:14 AM
Sociologists followed a bunch of musicians around and carefully documented what each one said during the course of a typical day. At the end, they tallied up the data came up with a list of the three things each type of musician where most likely to say.

Lead Singers-
Yeah, I'm in a band.
If you come up to my place I can play you our CD.
I wrote this song for a very special lady.

Rhythm Guitarist-
I could play the lead, but I don't have ego problems.
I'm starting a side project, it's going to by great.
I write most of it. The other guys don't know theory.

Bassist-
Dude, I am so waisted right now.
I can't hear the drums.
Turn me up, I can't hear myself.

Lead Guitar-
So, I was like totally shredding this awesome lick...
Show me some boobies.
That chick totally wants me.

Drummer-
I want to blow something up.
This song totally needs a drum solo.
I did not speed up.

Beat Boxer-
Bow chicka wow wow.
Yo, Peace out.
Yo, yo, (to the drummer), no, the beat goes like this.

Harmonica Player-
May I take your order?
Would you like fries with that?
What key are we in?
hvyj
166 posts
Feb 28, 2010
3:04 PM
How many harmonica players does it take to change a light bulb? Five--one to screw the bulb in and four to stand around and talk about how Little Walter must have done it.
harpwrench
178 posts
Feb 28, 2010
3:09 PM
What's a harmonica player usually say when meeting another harmonica player...."Hi, I'm better than you"
Ev630
110 posts
Feb 28, 2010
3:12 PM
Q: What do a harp player and premature ejaculation have in common?

A: You can hear them coming but there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Last Edited by on Feb 28, 2010 3:13 PM
Blown Out Reed
68 posts
Mar 01, 2010
12:18 PM
I'm in a three piece band
We only know three pieces

Last Edited by on Mar 02, 2010 1:00 PM
MP
27 posts
Mar 02, 2010
12:50 PM
wow. a johnson blues king through a strnad pickup into a squire amp. now that's a joke. awesome blownout. it didn't click in at first.
MP
28 posts
Mar 02, 2010
1:01 PM
Q. how do you wind up with a million bucks playing the harp? A. well, first you start with 2 million...
mojojojo
55 posts
Sep 12, 2010
6:28 AM
Totally new (and not lame at all) harmonica joke...

Q: What do you tell an actor before they go on stage? A: Break a leg!

Q: What do you tell a harmonica player before they go on stage?
A: Don't blow it!

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I suck at harmonica!

Jakarta River Blues Band

JRB's facebook news and vidz
Gwythion
86 posts
Sep 12, 2010
4:20 PM
Well, this is a guitarist joke, but it's funny...


Guitarist


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