Leatherlips
261 posts
May 30, 2014
4:27 PM
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Can't say as I've heard any harp related jokes even though I've been playing for decades. There must be some. Love to hear them.
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BronzeWailer
1292 posts
May 30, 2014
4:31 PM
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This was on this forum a while back, along the lines of:
Q: When someone's banging on your door at three in the morning, how do you know it's a harp player?
A: Because he can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
BronzeWailer's YouTube
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Frank
4419 posts
May 30, 2014
4:57 PM
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Knock Knock
Who's there?
The harp player
Your hired
What? you haven't even heard me play
Okay, your fired
Why?
Can we be brutally honest?
No - lie to me
You make the band sound to good
What ego's. I quit
Your awesome, bye
Okay, thanks for the audition
No, thank you
cool beans
Peace
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JustFuya
221 posts
May 30, 2014
5:22 PM
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I recall seeing a few on YouTube. If insults were jokes I'd have a few that were told to me.
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Frank
4420 posts
May 30, 2014
5:41 PM
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As long as they don't insult the universal intelligence of the harp community you should be fine telling them...An really - how many intelligent harp players are there anyway :)
Other then that - it's considered a joke when the shoe fits and funny when the feet don't, which make them a little awkward to wear... But we're just laughing at ourselves collectively - which soothes the sting of any truth that may be lingering in the moral of the punch line...If the President can laugh off an insulting joke, us peons should be able to too :)
Last Edited by Frank on May 30, 2014 5:47 PM
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STME58
849 posts
May 30, 2014
5:43 PM
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How many harp players does it take to change a light bulb?
Never mind the changes, just blow!
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Leatherlips
262 posts
May 30, 2014
5:59 PM
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Some good laughs already. Thanks for the input. I'll be using some of those (with permission of course).
Frank, you are the only person I know who also uses the word 'peon', however it's not entirely correct in this context as it means a lowly paid worker according to my dictionary, but I also use it in the way you do.
Please excuse my Naziism if you need to.
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The Iceman
1690 posts
May 30, 2014
6:07 PM
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whenever I encounter a grammar nazi, I comfort him by saying "there, their, they're".
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The Iceman
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Frank
4422 posts
May 30, 2014
6:17 PM
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Trust me, never trust a 99 cent dictionary -
you should have a comma after already,
and a semicolon after input;
with a question mark after of course?
an exclamation point after peon!
a comma after however,
and one after context ,
a period after dictionary.
get rid of the (but)
put question mark after to?
i'm not a stickler, trust me :)
Last Edited by Frank on May 30, 2014 6:37 PM
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Leatherlips
263 posts
May 30, 2014
7:25 PM
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Ther'e you go. got me competily.
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Steamrollin Stan
775 posts
May 31, 2014
4:08 AM
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What did one harp player say to the other one?.......I'm better than you!!
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didjcripey
752 posts
May 31, 2014
4:31 AM
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If you throw a harp player and a guitarist off a cliff, who hits the ground first?
The guitarist, cause the harp player has to stop half way down to ask what key they're in.
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Lucky Lester
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Frank
4426 posts
May 31, 2014
5:59 AM
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2 harmonica forums walk into a bar and one sez to the other -
Your such pompous asses over there, to good to smooch with the low life's on this forum...
The insulted forum smugly looks the other forum squarely in the eye and replies...Were not asses!
And we're not low life's...
Good, we don't associate with that kind,
So it seems we are more alike then first thought?
Yep - together we are just a bunch of smug, low life, pompous asses.
lets shake on it,
Friends ")
Friends :)
Last Edited by Frank on May 31, 2014 6:32 AM
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OzarkRich
501 posts
May 31, 2014
6:10 AM
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Harmonica Jokes
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Ozark Rich
__________
##########
Ozark Rich's YouTube
Ozark Rich's Facebook
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Ted Burke
3 posts
May 31, 2014
6:38 AM
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CANDIDE THE HARMONICA PLAYER
_____________________________
"Your harmonica playing really sucks"
"Gee, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
"I'm not kidding, dude, the way you play really blows!"
"Really, you flatter me. What put you in such a good mood?"
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Frank
4427 posts
May 31, 2014
6:51 AM
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A harp player, a kazoo player and a cow bell player show up at a jam session and end up on stage together.
The harp player asks for the key -
The kazooist states with a blank stare, I don't know?
They both nervously look to the cow bell player and he sez -
Sorry boys, I left it in the bathroom :)
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Tuckster
1412 posts
May 31, 2014
9:00 AM
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You can park in the handicapped spot if you put a harp on the dash.
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HarveyHarp
588 posts
May 31, 2014
9:25 AM
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Did you hear the one about the Harp Player that passed by the bar. Well, it could happen.
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HarveyHarp
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STME58
852 posts
May 31, 2014
9:34 AM
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@HarveyHarp,
I misread your joke as "the Harp Player that passed the bar." I am not sure which one is less likely!
PS are you sure Harp Player should be capitalized? It's not a proper noun, is there anything proper about a harp player?
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cliffy
88 posts
May 31, 2014
9:54 AM
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How many harmonica players does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to actually change the bulb and nine others to argue about how Little Walter would have changed the bulb.
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JustFuya
229 posts
May 31, 2014
10:43 AM
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She: So you play the harp?
Me: Why, yes, I do.
She: I can't picture you in a suit much less playing with the philharmonic.
Me: Oh no, no, no! I'm a harp player not a harpist.
She: Bartender, this man is bothering me.
Last Edited by JustFuya on May 31, 2014 12:11 PM
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Frank
4429 posts
May 31, 2014
11:04 AM
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A harp player asks his Wife if she knows any harp jokes, she replies matter-of-factly...sure do, "YOU"...and turn that shit down for cryin out loud :)
Last Edited by Frank on May 31, 2014 11:08 AM
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Ugly Bones Ryan
76 posts
May 31, 2014
11:17 AM
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https://imgflip.com/i/98rab
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Frank
4430 posts
May 31, 2014
11:40 AM
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A young wealthy beginner player walks up to Joe Filisko and tells him he'll give a $1000.00 for one of his harps.
Joe smiles politely and sez...sure, but I'll need it in cash now!
The kid pulls out a wad of cash and slaps it down in Joe's hand.
Joe counts it and sure enough a 1000 bucks.
He sez wait here son your in luck - I'll be back in 10 minutes with your harp, what key you want?
Your the best Mr. Filisko, make it a "C"...
Joe comes back and hands him shiny brand new HOHNER CROSSOVER...
The young man was perplexed and immediately protested - this is a Crossover, I wanted a Filisko!
Joe pulls em in close and wispers in his ear, don't tell no one kid - "but they're just as good"... off to the bank, toot-a-loo :)
Last Edited by Frank on May 31, 2014 12:14 PM
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Frank
4432 posts
May 31, 2014
12:57 PM
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A desperate player wanted to be the best and was given 2 choices by the Devil who he met at the Crossroads...
1... You'll be granted an amazing fulfilling sex life with a beautiful woman!
Or
2...you will be given masterful harmonica skills but remain sexually lonely.
A big smile appeared on the harp players face and he said - that's a no brainer, I'll take # 2 -
I only need one hand to play the harp :)
Last Edited by Frank on May 31, 2014 1:57 PM
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walterharp
1394 posts
May 31, 2014
3:30 PM
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here or the disrespect thread?
I had a guy ask me during a set another band was playing if "harmonicas play actual notes"?
I said "not the way I play them!"
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Pistolcat
628 posts
May 31, 2014
3:42 PM
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I reiterate one I read here some time ago:
A musician father tries to make his no-good teen-age son pick up an instrument for many years. Finally, the son goes out and buys a harmonica. The father is gladdened (somewhat...) and enlists his son in the tutelage of a local harp teacher. The son actually looks kind of excited when he comes home from his first lesson.
- "What did you learn on your lesson, son?" the father queries.
- "Single notes!" the son answers.
After the second lesson the father asks again.
-"What did you learn at the lesson, son?"
-"The two-hole shake, dad! Really cool!"
After the third lesson he asks again.
-"What did you learn at the lesson, son?"
-"Bending the four hole draw!"
-"Good, good!"
The father is relieved that the son finally amounts to something.
After the next time a lesson was scheduled the father asks again:
-"What did you learn at the lesson?"
-"I didn't go to the lesson"
-"Why not?"
-"I had a gig"
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Pistolkatt - Pistolkatts youtube
Last Edited by Pistolcat on May 31, 2014 3:43 PM
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atty1chgo
951 posts
Jun 01, 2014
8:23 AM
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Did you hear about the new Hohner Beer?
While everyone else on this Forum swills it, Frank shills it.
.
Last Edited by atty1chgo on Jun 01, 2014 8:28 AM
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Frank
4440 posts
Jun 01, 2014
11:09 AM
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Your a poet and don't know it ")
The NEW "Hohner Beer" is an amazing German beer which actually began being brewed in 2010. It is a dark ruby color, streaked with fine top-fermented yeast and shattering records weighing in at a hefty and superb 18% alcohol.
"Hohner Beer" has a compact, stable and long-lasting head and has an intensive, practical top-fermented clove-like aroma that you will instantly fall in love with. There is no other beer in the world like it to date and Hohner is confident any competition will only be those company's who try to copy their recipe for success.
The palate experiences a gentle touch from this exquisite beer, though on the tongue, it is extremely full-bodied and compact. All this comes with a fresh hint of caramel and secret heavenly delicacies you've only dreampt of in a dark beer.
It finishes with a light and delicate taste of bitters leaving behind a strong, smoothly rounded unforgettable impression - which slowly explodes into a pure rush of the senses, making the experience similar to playing a Hohner Crossover for the first time.
The NEW "Hohner Beer" is very reminiscent of the fine line of Professional Harmonicas it so proudly hails as the (best harmonicas in the world.) Hohner Beers and Harmonicas are crafted to please, tease and thoroughly comfort the truly discriminating customer who demands the Best.
And like their harmonicas... The NEW "Hohner Beer" is set at a price so all can enjoy it's pleasures...At only 15 dollars a bottle or $250.00 for a case, you can indulge joyfully, knowing your drinking the BEST BEER IN THE WORLD - The NEW Hohner Beer, "Drink it Proudly" and... "Keep On Harpin" :)
Last Edited by Frank on Jun 01, 2014 12:39 PM
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atty1chgo
952 posts
Jun 01, 2014
1:19 PM
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One more thing to shill. :)
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BigBlindRay
229 posts
Jun 02, 2014
10:48 AM
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Q: What is the least likely thing you will hear at a Blues gig?
A: "Is that the Harmonica players Porsche?"
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Big Blind Ray Trio Website
Big Blind Ray Trio Facebook Page
Big Blind Ray Trio on Bandcamp
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Gnarly
1016 posts
Jun 02, 2014
11:06 AM
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Why does the harpoonist jump around when he plays?
To get away from the noise.
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hooktool
136 posts
Jun 02, 2014
11:39 AM
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What's the difference between a harmonica and a chainsaw?
You can tune a chainsaw.
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The Iceman
1693 posts
Jun 02, 2014
2:58 PM
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What do you call dropping 20 harmonica players into the deepest part of the ocean?
A good start.
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The Iceman
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1847
1840 posts
Jun 02, 2014
3:39 PM
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and for those that don't drink beer
you can soak your marine band harmonica in the hohner beer,
sealing all the leaks creating yourself a custom harmonica.
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i get a lot of request when i play my harmonica
"but i play it anyway"
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i get a lot of request when i play my harmonica
"but i play it anyway"
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Aussiesucker
1398 posts
Jun 02, 2014
4:42 PM
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A Gentleman who plays a harmonica...doesn't!
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HARPOLDIE’S YOUTUBE
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BronzeWailer
1293 posts
Jun 02, 2014
5:03 PM
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Boy: "When I grow up I want to play the harp."
Mother: "You can't have it both ways son."
BronzeWailer's YouTube
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Greg Heumann
2732 posts
Jun 02, 2014
7:48 PM
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Q: What's the difference between a harmonica and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you cut up a harmonica
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***************************************************
/Greg
BlowsMeAway Productions
See my Customer Mics album on Facebook
Bluestate on iTunes
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STME58
855 posts
Jun 02, 2014
8:00 PM
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@Gnarly,
A harpoonist?! The word Harpoon for harmonica is pretty rare but not unheard of. Most references I found are to the song "Me and Bobbie McGee" as the first use. Perhaps you have this guy in your band.
The crew worked hard to set things up so that the harpoonist would have the best possible shot at success. At the critical moment, chaos ensued, as his timing was off and he had the wrong harpoon! All hands were lost.
Last Edited by STME58 on Jun 02, 2014 8:08 PM
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STME58
858 posts
Jun 02, 2014
9:23 PM
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A musician, pleased that his wife was particularly responsive that night, says to her, "honey, I can play you just like a guitar" to which she replies, "I wish you would play me like a harmonica!".
On a related note, even though I know the historical significance of the name, I always suppress a snicker when I see the name "Bushman" on a harp.
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BronzeWailer
1294 posts
Jun 02, 2014
9:58 PM
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The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use harp players. They have given three reasons for this decision:
1. There are now more harp players than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the harp players as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that rats won't do.
BronzeWailer's YouTube
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