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beginner forum: for novice and developing blues harp players >
Gloomy
Gloomy
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SuperBee
3721 posts
May 14, 2016
9:28 AM
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Happens to me periodically. I feel I can't play, or that the little I can play is worthless...I know how easy it is to pick up new things but to what end I wonder. And I get down on the whole biz...
I'm only 3 days or so into working on max de aloe's method book, and I'm hanging out for when it's gonna get better...I don't know how long it will take for my ability to read script in real time while I play to start working out. At the moment I can do it for a while but the concentration required is really something else...this must be what it's like for adult learners trying to learn another language or just learning to read...only reading music script is a bit simpler I expect.
I can read it enough to follow along but playing and reading and mentally naming the notes is one thing, mentally naming the locations of the notes is a bridge too far at the moment.
Anyway, nothing worth doing was ever achieved by quitting when it got tough, so I guess I push on. I'm sure it must actually happen if one persists.
This still seems the way to go, to me. All this lick-based learning seems very hit or miss...the band I'm involved with want me to play some melodic ideas as fills in a few numbers in addition to the horns and solos...it's a busy role, but the more music I can get involved with the better I think...
Oh...a while ago there was a thread about "is this good enough?". Something like that...the thought was about the role of harp player in a band and whether what one plays is good or not...comments about how one didn't need to be an excellent pianist, guitarist etc to sound good in context, but with the harp it seems you have to be highly skilled to sound good.
It occurred to me that is because the harp is so often treated with prominence. Expected to solo. Or play prominent riffs, hooks...and it's so tricky to get a good sound from...but the thing can have a role in a band, play virtually every song and sound good...so long as it has a disciplined role, which you can learn and focus on...not too technical, allowing you to work on a good sound, and know your cues, play here, don't play here.
That's why I've decided to play with these guys...I don't want to lead because it's too stressful and demanding. I don't have the personality and confidence in my singing and playing to lead, but I know I can play with good tone awareness, and fulfill most of the demands...so it will be satisfying but there's no need for me to play a lot of invention.
But just to derail, I decided to restore a prewar hohner 270...and spent some time on it today. I'm getting a (Brendan) Power Comb for it and it will need windsavers...the original leather strips were beyond rescue. But the reeds seem all good and the slider parts all good, covers pretty clean. I love the 270 covers. I ordered a second comb for my modern 270 too, because it's cracked.
And then had a go at that rotten Db promaster. Zajac comb didn't help, it's got reed trouble. I spent a couple hour on it but I think it's gonna take a lot more. Felt like a big waste of time actually. Very disheartening.
Anyway..harp playing...sometimes it all seems a giant sized waste of time...like a pointless addiction.
I felt similar when I was racing bikes. In the end I just gave all the bikes and paraphernalia away and I haven't missed it. Kicked myself for not getting som money for it all though.
But playing music is something I "always
Wanted" to do...now I understand what is involved, what it takes, what is the price to play how I want...that's when I wonder is it really what I want...
I'm reminded of a story, perhaps it was about yehudi menuhin, where Menuhin apologised for not playing well, and the person said something like are you kidding, you played Fantastic, I'd give my life to play like that. To which the virtuoso replied that he HAD given his life to play.
Well, I know it doesn't have to be all or nothing. But I sometimes wonder about the price for the amount I do...whether I'm really getting value or doing the equivalent of hanging around school and not doing the classes...
I've tried numerous ways to be a better student but often seem to get distracted by a new idea before I've actually achieved much. This is a hazard of access to so much information I guess. And even things like forums..,too much talk, not enough action. So I think I'll try and cool it on the forum a while...maybe just check in on a couple days s week...
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Lanthus Clark
47 posts
May 14, 2016
1:30 PM
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Occasionally over the years I have thought along similar lines about my singing (and guitar playing). Just kinda wondered if it was worth it or not, and whether I should toss it all in, sometimes the feeling was stronger than other times and I got close. However, every time I get down to it I simply can't imagine what my life would be like without the music, rehearsals and live performing. It has become such a part of who I am that I start feeling incomplete just thinking about stopping it.
I am certainly never going to be rich or famous from it (simply not talented or good looking enough) but the feeling that I get when we perform live and the kick of adrenalin from the crowd reaction is great.
I am sure that these times will come for me with the harmonica playing as well, but for now I am really enjoying it and hopefully in the near future I will start incorporating a little in our shows too.
I think in anything that is art or music related, the playing and practicing itself is enriching enough to bring a sense of fulfillment to one's life and provide value.
My 2 cents... not sure if this helps or makes it worse.
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Tiggertoo1962
117 posts
May 14, 2016
2:32 PM
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I tend to agree with much of what Lanthus just said, Bee. I'm pretty sure everyone goes through periods like this, whether their hobby/passion/mission in life is playing music, flying model helicopters, shooting arrows, or anything else you may care to mention.
Reading your post, one of my first thoughts was "the guy just lost his dad, I remember what it did to me". Don't underestimate the effect this is going to have on your "Weltansicht". As well as being in and of itself a traumatic experience, I found it gave me a heightened sense of my own mortality, and a sense that I'm running out of time for all the things I still want to do/learn. In some ways it made me more determined to savour every moment, but it also left me with a sense of impatience - both with myself, and with anyone who gets in the way of me doing what I want to do.
I obviously don't know how much of what you're feeling has been caused by your recent loss, but I'm pretty sure if you just keep on keeping on, and doing what you love, the muse will come round again in her own good time.
Carpe diem buddy.
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One of the last of a dying breed.
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MindTheGap
1611 posts
May 14, 2016
2:49 PM
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I agree with what Lanthus and Tiggertoo wrote.
Actually I find reading the forum useful - there is usually some new music posted that give a little kick.
Re learning the new instrument, I do think that there is a basic level of competence that has a before/after kind of feel. Something around where a non-musician might remark, 'you can play'. Before you reach it, practice is a chore, and afterwards it's a joy. You may find going through the motions with your exercises, plus some time, takes you over that threshold.
Last Edited by MindTheGap on May 14, 2016 3:01 PM
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Fil
143 posts
May 14, 2016
2:50 PM
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Well said Tigger. Bee, go easy on yourself for a while yet. Been there. One thinks one can put the loss in a box and work around it. Nope.
And the hazard of too much information...yes...distracting.
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Phil Pennington
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SuperBee
3724 posts
May 14, 2016
5:58 PM
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Thanks for the comments. Yes, no doubt it's tied up with the old man's passing.
I'm away from work and probably don't have my usual outlets for casual conversation...I expect this is driving the propensity for existential posts.
Grumpy about the improvement-resistant promaster. I think that's where it started yesterday.
And annoyed I let that distract me from my study...and realised its always something like that...
Then saw the 3rd position thread and it brought home to me how little I have to show for the time I put in to the harmonica.
Things got a bit negative.
To take a more Positive slant on this, a takeaway message to move forward with...
I feel pretty good about playing when I sense it's going well. But it's nice to play with others and I'm often challenged in those situations, in the sense that I realise the shortcomings of my skill. Then I feel the need, drive, to improve, expand my range...and then I sometimes fall into the trap of feeling disatisfied, rather than feeling inspired to learn.
to make progress I believe it's necessary for me to stick with a theme until some learning occurs. There is so much information available now, so much material available, that it's easy to dabble and flit from topic to topic and not learn much at all.
But I know as little as 5 minutes a day is enough to make real progress if i stick with it long enough.
3 weeks I think is a good rule of thumb. So my rule will be, when I decide to learn something, stick with it until ive learned it, or 3 weeks. Whichever comes first. If I've given it 3 weeks and going nowhere, OK, give it a rest. I tried that Lee sankey exercise for high low transition, development across the whole range of the harp. After 3 weeks I thought I probably could find something more satisfying to do. Maybe I'll try that again but I think I'd like to talk to Lee personally before I went there.
Example another; I developed blow bends with 5 minutes a day, spent when I entered the bathroom and switched the heater on. 5 minutes then I started the water in the shower. I just did that everyday...I showered everyday so it was easy to make this pre-shower ritual. And I made progress. In 3 weeks I could bend 8 and 9 like I had never imagined possible for me...and I'd tried it sporadically for years with no improvement. It wasn't onerous. I could play all the random stuff I liked, but I just had this one little area I worked on consistently every day.
thanks again. Another day beckons...
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SuperBee
4430 posts
Jan 17, 2017
4:11 AM
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Back here again. The gloomy blues. Gloomy about the blues.
Revisiting this thread instead of starting a new one.
8 months between bouts.
Symptoms very similar.
Glad I made a post last time which enables me to see that yes, it does happen periodically.
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ME.HarpDoc
221 posts
Jan 17, 2017
6:10 AM
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Thanks, Bee, for reposting this. I didn't read this thread on it's first go around. There's a lot of sage observations and wisdom in here. I'm almost 70 and I still learned something from this, even musically. Just to share one of my coping skills I have found useful, every day I enter a short journal on my iPad app, My W Days. I choose to always write down 5 things I'm grateful for (and never negative except for the occasional frown face). Sometimes it's the same things most days ( dog, wif, health). Other days it may be more significant ( learned 3" bend). For me it can help me realize even what seems a bad day had a lot of positives.
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Ian
418 posts
Jan 17, 2017
6:27 AM
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Something I tell myself, and my students all the time is to remember that ' it's about he journey, not the destination'.
It's a simple motto but an important one.
We can never be happy if we are always looking in to the future at something we want to do or something we can't yet do.
If we stop and enjoy the path we are on then it's much easier to be content with our progress and life as a whole.
It was also technically 'blue monday' here in the UK yesterday... Whatever that means!
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MindTheGap
2048 posts
Jan 17, 2017
7:53 AM
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Sorry to hear that. Since the first post you've taken up with the new band, and had lots of external validation of your playing - applause, comments, dancing etc. How does that sit with your gloom about playing?
Ian, I'm having to swallow large doses of "it's about the journey" medicine. With the trumpet, it's become clear it's going to take a long time before it sounds other than dodgy.
Last Edited by MindTheGap on Jan 17, 2017 7:56 AM
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Fil
262 posts
Jan 17, 2017
8:04 AM
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MEHarpDoc, I'm glad I read your post. I've seen suggestions like yours before, but in this context at this time it has kind of hit home. I have to try the app. I just turned seventy, and it's been a bit of a downer. More recognition of the things to be grateful for (e.g. just reaching 70 standing up) may help the journey. I've learned that for me, mood and harp are so closely linked.
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Phil Pennington
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Larry Pittsburgh
12 posts
Jan 17, 2017
6:35 PM
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SuperBee, I noticed in this thread that you evidently lost your Dad some months back which may be the first time that you hit a big wall - a loss of passion and sense of purpose.
I do not mean to project as each loss has its own dynamics; but I just lost my wife 4 months back and I am experiencing grief in ways that I did not know existed - physically, mentally and spiritually. If we had a sane society, I think we would all be better prepared beyond the financial consequences.
I am very glad that you have evidently reached a musician’s proficiency plateau in which your live feedback is heartening. I would love to be at your point and cannot help but think that now you are better able to "feel and express" the blues and music in a new way.
This may sound corny but grief; if not dealt with properly, will haunt you and will creep into your life and it will express itself in ways and times beyond your control that can undermine your competence and feeling of well-being.
Hopefully, you have “moved on” and my comments are off the mark. If not, please feel free to e-mail me and I can share some coping measures and skills that I’ve learned (LL-3@hotmail.com).
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Shaganappi
161 posts
Jan 18, 2017
11:48 AM
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Superbee - Sorry to hear as well. I too frequently feel the same - like crap. I obsess over the harp for a few days / week, then later often picking it up and feeling I can't play at all until I warm up for hours. Other times I avoid music of all kinds for a month or so. And it often (always?} is related to other issues in my life. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.
I have a few other hobbies (physical/mental) fortunately so they distract me somewhat to assist my blues. But the amount of information in our lives, our seemingly endless busy tends to heavily weigh on us as an information overload. Sometimes we have to let things go. At least for a while.
One hobby that I have that is related to harp playing is notating / tabbing. Not easy but keeps my fingers in the harp world a bit. If you want, I really could use some help from someone that is detailed orientated and who has good rhythm recognition. Not sure if it will help you. But at least it does not demand performance jitters (I am sadly not a great player). It makes me think I have some "purpose" in helping others who hopefully benefit. Contact me at my web address if interested.
And if not, just know that you are not alone in your gloom. It happens to more people than we want to admit to.
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SuperBee
4434 posts
Jan 19, 2017
6:30 PM
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Hi Larry and Shaganappi.
Thanks for your posts. I will try to send you both messages. I'm suffering with the arthritis a bit at the moment and a bit tight for time as well but will get a response out when I can.
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