John McAvoy, the owner/operator of the Turning Point, told a bunch of great musician jokes last night. Here are the few I can remember:
Q: How do you make a guitar player's car go faster? A: Take the Domino's sign off the roof.
Q: What happens when you throw an accordion and a banjo off a cliff? A: Who cares?
Q: Why is a female singer like the locked front door of a house? A: She can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
Q: What did the trombone player say after playing a great New Year's Eve gig at a jazz club--such a good gig that he got invited back for the following year? A: Would it be OK if I just left my stuff here until next year?
Q: What happens when you leave an accordion and a banjo overnight in a car parked on the street in the South Bronx? A: In a morning the windows are broken and more accordions and banjos have been thrown in.
Last Edited by kudzurunner on Jul 30, 2015 12:53 PM
A couple of days ago I was in a parking lot when a young man waled up, placed a sign atop his car, and loaded the pizzas in the back. I almost asked him what instrument he played!
Jawbone, your comment reminded me of this story about bass players.
The 9th symphony has a long rest for the bass players before they play in the finale. They were bored and decided to go next door to the pub while waiting. To make sure the finale would not be played without them, they tied the last pages of the conductors music down. They made it back to their places in time but forgot to undo the score. As you can imagine it was a tense situation. It was the bottom of the 9th, the bases were loaded and the score was tied!
Last Edited by STME58 on Jul 30, 2015 2:43 PM
Three fingers up=A=three sharps Two fingers down=Bb=two flats Ha ha ha
Speaking of musical humor, a customer sent in a Folkmaster in C with a broken draw reed. We replaced the unit (they are not expensive enough for me to repair), so I took an F# draw plate from another return to use as a replacement. I will bring it to SPAH so you can get the punchline in person.
Last Edited by Gnarly on Jul 30, 2015 2:46 PM
Maybe I am part Scott because I don't get the bagpipe jokes either. There was a great piper busking at Balboa park a few weeks ago. I put some cash in his tip box and stood and listened for a while. A few weeks before that I did the same thing with and accordian busker.
Q: How many harmonica players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 347. One to do it, 345 to jump online and argue whether that was how Little Walter did it, talk about the time they say Little Walter actually change a light bulb, and speculate whether he would change a bulb the same way if he had access to all the gear available today, and one admin to perform the inevitable thread-locking ceremony when it gets out of hand.
Variation: What is the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw a banjo in a dumpster and it lands right on top of the accordion.
How can you tell if the stage is level? The drool will be coming out of both sides of the *bass players mouth. (*Substitute with any type of musician you wish to insult!)
---------- Be humble for you are made of earth. Be noble for you are made of stars.
Mighty Slim, your joke seems to fit with the comment Barley Nectar shared in the Sitting In thread, " if you take the boy out of the man, you end up with a grumpy old bastard"
Rontana, I just obtained a Thai Dulcimer. I think dulcimer players will spend so much time tuning the darn thing that if the light bulb burns out, they will just go to bed!
My favorite harmonica insult was told to me with a straight face and without malice or even realizing it was an insult to the instrument along the lines of many posted above. The comment, upon learning I played other instruments, was "I knew you played the harmonica, but I did't know you were a musician!"
What's the difference between a saxophone and a chain saw? Vibrato.
How do you get a trombone player out of a tree? Cut the rope.
If you throw a guitar player and a harmonica player off a cliff, who will hit the ground first? The guitar player because the harmonica player will have to stop and ask for the key.
@STME58...Yes, the chainsaw. You get the vibrato by setting the saw up so the chain has 3/8” of clearance between the bar and underside of the chain when the chain is pulled up to check for tightness. Then you get the afore mentioned vibrato by feathering the trigger of the saw. Lower RPMs on the saw produce a better vibrato. Just like the heat shield over a cars gas tank will vibrate at a lower RPM engine speed. ----------
Mike Stevens likes to tell the story about when himself and two guitarist singers were touring all over Canada, spending hours in a van, they wondered if they drove off a cliff and their bodies discovered in the spring, would the Headlines read "Two musicians ...and a Harmonica player found...." ----------
Damn, I can't believe I missed Jason at the Turning Point last night. I hope he got a better turnout then the last time I was there to see Carlos Colina. Even after playing to a crowd of 10, he was cool enough to let me talk harp with him for almost an hour after the show. ---------- "The blues are the roots of all American music. As long as American music survives, so will the blues."...Willie Dixon
So this woman beats her guitar collecting husband to death !! Goes before the judge and he says "First offender??" She answers "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!!" ----------
If it ain't got harp - it ain't really blues!!!!
Last Edited by jawbone on Aug 04, 2015 5:48 AM
