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Dirty-South Blues Harp forum: wail on! >
Complemeants
Complemeants
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Leatherlips
279 posts
Aug 24, 2014
3:42 PM
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Did a gig yesterday and had so many complements I found it a bit embarrassing. Does anyone else find it hard to accept them?
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JInx
857 posts
Aug 24, 2014
4:09 PM
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Was it a real gig, or one of those open Mic scenes where everyone pats each other on the back...like the human centipede, each consuming the other's shit. You'be got to take it for what its worth.
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2chops
282 posts
Aug 24, 2014
4:22 PM
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Earlier this Spring we did a gig at this place we had been at a couple of times before. Afterwards, this guy comes up and went on about how good we sounded. Then he turns to me and really starts laying it on. The band leader was standing right next to me. It was cool and all. But I did feel more than a little odd. The guy was stone cold sober too in case you're wondering.
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I'm workin on it. I'm workin on it.
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Thievin' Heathen
384 posts
Aug 24, 2014
5:34 PM
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Hard to accept - Hard to gauge - Hard to Believe
Say, "thank you very much" and keep practicing.
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kudzurunner
4896 posts
Aug 24, 2014
5:55 PM
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This is a great subject for a thread. One of the hardest things in the world for some people to do is accept a compliment. During my two-year immersion in New Age thought, I saw a lot of conversation about this. One foundational NA idea (I'll invent an acroynm) is that we attack in others what we're worried about in ourselves. So if we're unable to accept a sincere compliment, it stands to reason that deep inside, we're too insecure to GIVE somebody the same sort of heartfelt compliment. (Most likely, because our parents never did that to/for us.) So we don't trust the compliment that somebody is giving us. So we find various sorts of ways of beating it away, instead of just standing there, being fully present, feeling it, and saying a simple "Thanks."
One of the things that most impressed me about Mitch Kashmar when he showed up at Hill Country Harmonica 2012 is that he carried, or seem to carry, very little ego and very little negative energy. You could imagine that he was a certain kind of guy, judging from the slick publicity photos and album photos, but in person, he was modest, attentive, and fun. He knew how to take a compliment--or at least he knew how to take MY compliments, since his playing turns me into something like a fanboy. But since he's got his ego in check, he gave the fanboy nothing to hang onto, and he was just easy to hang with.
Learn how to say "Thanks" when somebody says, "I really enjoyed that." If that's hard, then you can always remember an old chestnut: Never brag about things you can do, brag about the things you CAN'T do. Find something you're lousy at and take pride in the fact that you're an absolute duffer.
Last Edited by kudzurunner on Aug 24, 2014 5:58 PM
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Leatherlips
281 posts
Aug 24, 2014
5:57 PM
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Yes it was a 4 hour payed gig and we worked out arses off to get it right. I know we deserved all the praise we got. My point was, that I personally find it hard to accept at times. I grew up like most boys not getting enough encouragement from those around me. It's easier, it seems to bring someone down than to give them a helping hand and words of praise for doing something right. Anyhow, we've been asked to go back, so I guess that speaks for itself.
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BronzeWailer
1405 posts
Aug 24, 2014
6:57 PM
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Interesting thread.
For me it depends on the context. At the everything-goes open mic I attend, everyone gets the same rapturous applause, including the guy who just doesn’t have any sense of time.
If a seasoned player comes up to me after I’ve done my bit at a blues jam and says he liked it, I tend to believe him.
I found that busking has a lot of highs and lows in terms of feedback and lack thereof. I did some solo busking last week. I did the first bit with my Pignose in the middle of the financial district. I got a grand total of five tips in the hour and a bit I was there, although someone took my business card, which is a good sign. When I was packing up, a guy came up and said he had trouble hearing me. I guess I should’ve checked the batteries in the Pignose.
I then moved to a tunnel to do some unamplified singing and harping. I got three or four tips on the first song, even though the playing standard was the same, but I felt better. I dress well when I’m busking because I don’t want people to take pity on me, thinking I am homeless or a beggar. I want them to throw in a tip just because they like the sound or I make them feel good (or bad). Sometimes people come up and ask me to play a song that will make them cry. They are usually drunk.
I consider any bill (that is, five dollars or more in Australia) a “vote of confidence”. People really have to like you to give you a bill, in my opinion.
To sum up, I know my limitations/shortcomings and I’m working on them, but compliments from those in the know inspires me to keep working.
BronzeWailer's YouTube
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Leatherlips
282 posts
Aug 24, 2014
7:21 PM
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https://www.facebook.com/themoonshinerun
You can see our outfit here.
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florida-trader
517 posts
Aug 24, 2014
8:20 PM
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For me, I am happy to accept compliments when I play. I think if you don’t get at least some praise you’d have to question why you’re putting yourself out there. I perform in public a lot less than most of the guys who contribute to this forum. I’ve been playing the harp for over 40 years and if you had asked me five or six years ago I would have said I was a pretty good player. Then I discovered the online harmonica community and started attending events such as the Florida Harmonica Championships, Hill Country Harmonica and SPAH. I quickly found out that I was a pretty run of the mill player compared to many of the guys I am now proud to call friends. I sing and play in a Gospel Quartet. We only perform at church. I occasionally play in clubs with a couple of guitar player friends who let me sit in whenever I show up. I even cut a track for a CD one of my friends produced. And of course, I play for my neighbors every night when I walk my dogs. People are very kind. They say nice things about my playing and I believe they are sincere. But I do get a chuckle out of some of the things they say because I know that my talent pales in comparison to so many others.
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Tom Halchak
www.BlueMoonHarmonicas.com
Last Edited by florida-trader on Aug 25, 2014 11:25 AM
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bluemoose
993 posts
Aug 24, 2014
10:04 PM
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I always say thanks...but that the guys I jam/play with are so good (which is true, we have some AMAZING talent here in Vancouver) that it makes it really easy to play well. Which is true also.
That said, this is a timely topic since my head is still swollen to several times it's normal girth after last Saturdays jam. I don't know if it was the week off kayaking on the west coast of Vancouver Island and blowing harp on the beach to the jellyfish or the friday show at the local pub where my local blues guitar hero rocked out HARD with his pick up 70's thrash garage band young guys project (what a show!!!) but come Saturday jam time I was ready.
Got pushed on stage with a familiar guitar player leading the set. He can call some weird shit but this time he just nailed the song selection and we fed off of each other. Wow. One of those times where the harp disappears and you just go where ever your mind takes you. Two out of three tunes he pushed me to 3 choruses on my solo and I went for it (thank you Adam, Jason and MBH for the tools to pull it off).
But...after the set an elderly (ya right and I'm a spring chicken :) gent in a cowboy hat came up and introduced himself. Asked me if I was a professional player, he had played pro in bands for 25 years, and said I was "1 in a thousand" harp player.
Now that was compliment I'm still processing.
But, as I said, we are building some real solid harp players here. (Including timeistight who was made leaps and bounds of progress in the couple years I've been hanging with him at jams) The local pros are awesome, Harpdog Brown, Steve Hinton, Andrew "Huggybear" Huggard.
But on total OT, sad note local legend Dave "Hurricane" Hoerl suffered a stoke in June. Prognosis is not good. There are numerous benefits scheduled for September. Help if you can.
bluemoose.
Ha! tricked you damn code captcha crap thing!
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MBH Webbrain - a GUI guide to Adam's Youtube vids
FerretCat Webbrain - Jason Ricci's vids (by hair colour!)
Last Edited by bluemoose on Aug 24, 2014 10:06 PM
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The Iceman
1944 posts
Aug 25, 2014
7:44 AM
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I had to keep reminding myself that the "citizens" don't hear music like a musician.
I've had a crappy night - knowing I sounded lousy - only to have a "citizen" come up and tell me how great it sounded.
I used to argue with them, but have learned to smile and say "thank you".
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The Iceman
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TetonJohn
210 posts
Aug 25, 2014
11:28 AM
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Fortunately, I enjoy when someone says they like my playing (feel no need to argue). I usually thank them for taking a moment to say something because it's nice to hear. What I wish I would remember to do more is follow up by, for example, asking them where they are from (makes sense around here because there are lots of tourists)-- in a sense returning the compliment by showing some interest in them as an individual. They could have just listened and enjoyed, but by saying something to you, they are showing a desire to "connect" even in just that simple way. So it's an opportunity to have some contact that is just a bit beyond the more formal "audience/performer" mode.
(Edit: That I don't remember to follow up more than I do, is an indiciation that I am still too self-absorbed!)
Last Edited by TetonJohn on Aug 25, 2014 12:58 PM
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nacoran
7957 posts
Aug 25, 2014
5:24 PM
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We had a couple nights when the weather was bad that we showed up at the open mic and it was pretty dead. Two times in particular stood out- one time, the open mic was being cut short because they had a 'real' band booked. (I can't think of the name of the band for the life of me at the moment, but they were someone I'd heard of). The lead singer, an attractive woman came over and said she really liked our sound. I felt awkward because we were heading out the door and couldn't stay for her set (I'd carpooled with our singer and he didn't like the band, oh well.)
The other time, after our set a very attractive young lady stopped me and said she really liked our sound. I said thanks, to which she replied, "No, I REALLY like your sound." I smiled and mentioned we had a show down the street next weekend and said she should come by. She said maybe, but I could tell it wasn't a very firm maybe. I thought maybe she was trying to strike up a conversation so I offered to buy her a drink, but she said she already had one. My conversational repertoire exhausted I retreated. :)
It's funny. I think I can usually take a compliment on my music, sort of like Tom said, I can take it for an honest compliment but blush a bit when I think about how much better some of you guys are, but when I really get that goofy awe shucks thing going is when someone compliments me on my personality- it's bad enough when it's a guy, but my brain turns to mush when it's a woman. I hope it's at least sincere because in those moments I can totally understand why cheesy pickup lines work. The brain just turns off.
Adam, unfortunately, now that you mentioned the psychological root of things, the way my mind works now I'm going to have to try to figure out the deep seated reason for why I can't take a compliment on my personality. If it's because my parents didn't compliment be for playing nice maybe it was because I was a mean little son of a bitch when I was a kid. :)
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Nate
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jbone
1741 posts
Aug 26, 2014
4:21 AM
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It's true, there are times when a sincere compliment can be hard to graciously accept. But a false humility is so obvious and transparent, and con actually be insulting to someone nice enough to give genuine praise.
I've been on both ends of that. In giving a compliment I am saying I like and respect what you just did, and it's from the heart. In accepting praise, I am going to give you something positive back in the way of personal chat, maybe discussing our sound or what harps I use or so on. Being engaged by a performer, and engaging people as one, is an opportunity to spread joy and good feeling, something the world and we in it need.
Even when I have been uncomfortable with praise of some sort, I have learned to be gracious and give a thank you at least. Giving a little something back is even better.
If we extend this a bit, when you are on stage such as it is- farmers market, street corner, cafe or big hall-
we can connect with the audience between songs and include them in the show in a way.
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harpoon_man
73 posts
Aug 26, 2014
6:48 AM
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Interesting topic, and how a person responds to a compliment reveals a lot about that person's sense of self.
About 10 years ago, my employer sent all the employees to the Dale Carnegie 12 week training class (the "how to win friends and influence people" guy). It was actually a good class, and one topic they focused on was how to accept compliments graciously. They had the students take turns giving each other compliments, and the rule was that when you were the one receiving the compliment, you were not allowed to put yourself down in any way, and if you couldn't think of anything else to say, you were supposed to say a simple "thank you".
So now when I get a compliment, even an outlandish one, I make sure not to downplay it, and often respond with a "thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed the music".
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1847
2092 posts
Aug 26, 2014
9:53 AM
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so there is a new jam across town
i stop by, the host band looks familiar, but i do not know them.
a couple of friends i jam with each week are there
the band plays a set and then calls us up.
i ask ,can you mic me up? i was expecting the customarily
can't you just play thru the pa?
the host says no problem, he had me mic'd up so loud
thru the mains, i had to turn my amp down ,and my mic!
we play 3 or 4 songs he thanks us,
then he turns to me and says... you can stay up
play the rest of the night if i want. i'll take that as a compliment.
my response was, i'll have whatever it is you are drinking,
and can i buy you one?
so we play a few more songs, and one of the patrons comes up to me and asks
do you know lee oskar? i respond we've met, but i do not know him why?
she says "i like you better" at that point all i could do is laugh out loud.
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i get a lot of request when i play my harmonica
"but i play it anyway"
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Slimharp
391 posts
Aug 26, 2014
10:00 AM
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" Thank You " works, then move on. The same that praise you can also crucify you.
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STME58
1045 posts
Aug 26, 2014
10:44 AM
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I agree with the folks who recommend a simple thank you.
I seem to have going on in my head something that reminds me of MAD magazine's segment "When they say.. They really mean".
When they say:
"Your tone is wonderful"
They really mean:
"Your timing and your intonation are terrible"
I am sure I am not the only one who does this to myself. The reality is that if someone takes the time and effort to say something positive to you they probably liked your overall performance. Like the original poster mentioned, many of us have a hard time just accepting this.
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HarveyHarp
602 posts
Aug 26, 2014
11:02 AM
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"Thanks, that means a lot" Pretty much covers it all for me.
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HarveyHarp
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barbequebob
2694 posts
Aug 26, 2014
11:05 AM
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One thing I've seen happen a lot that I remember I was quite guilty of in my earlier years was that when someone pays a compliment, the next thing you hear from the musician who gets the compliment is a dissertation from them that, to put it bluntly, puts themselves down for something that they thought should've been done better and I remember when I used to do this a lot until a pro took me aside and then told me to just say thank you and shut my mouth up entirely and when I asked him why, he told me that I'm showing them that I lacked self confidence in a HUGE way and that I'd be losing their respect in a hurry. Sure, the natural thing may be to diss yourself to being your head down to earth, but that's better to keep to yourself and people do respect confidence and, as the saying goes, confidence is sexy.
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Sincerely,
Barbeque Bob Maglinte
Boston, MA
http://www.barbequebob.com
CD available at http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/bbmaglinte
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Hollistonharper
248 posts
Aug 26, 2014
1:57 PM
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"Gee, I wish I had this problem", he said to himself without even a hint of self-deprication :(
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Leatherlips
283 posts
Aug 26, 2014
2:09 PM
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"Gee, I wish I had this problem"
Ha, ha. That's great. I can really see other perceptions on this and I should explain that I usually do not self efface and take those complements graciously.
It was only the bands second gig and I knew it was the best band I have been in, so it was just a little overwhelming to have so much positive feedback. Something I have had before but not to this degree. I'm hanging out for our next.
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Hollistonharper
249 posts
Aug 26, 2014
3:28 PM
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@leatherlips, that was no dig at anybody but myself. I actually don't take a compliment well. But as Sinatra sang in My Way, "...Compliments, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention...."
Last time I played out (a month or so ago) is still fresh in my mind. I was sitting in with a friend's trio (of course, pretty much the only times I play out are with my friend's trio). They play the occasional blues, but are a classic hits cover band. I was doing the flute part and comping on Marshall Tucker Band's Can't You See. I've done that song with them before, to good effect. That night I really sucked, it was like I didn't even have the right key of harp in my mouth. Some nights I just don't have it. The lead guitar player's son--a classically trained pianist-- was also sitting in, playing base guitar. As I trudge off the stage, he says "Sounded great!" with a sneer that was trying to pass as a smile. I thought he was a nicer kid than that. So I pulled a gun from my harp case and shot him dead. I'm writing this from Folsom Prison and am a real blues man now. Nah, I don't have a gun. It was a knife and the wound I inflicted was serious but not life threatening. Ok, I eviscerated him with some witty repartee. Yeah that's it. When I said "thanks for the feedback" I think it cut him to the quick. Triumphantly, I sat down for the rest of the night and finished my beer.
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bluemoose
995 posts
Aug 27, 2014
10:24 AM
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Finished playing on the opening host band set at last nights jam and headed to the bar for a libation. (Damn those stage lights get hot) Had a tall blonde come up to tell me how much my harp playing had moved her.
She had floated across in front of the stage on her way to the ladies earlier on as I was doing some down and dirty comp fills.
She was very obviously really high and/or off her meds as the conversation kept going in circles so I was able to try out several of the above mentioned techniques for accepting compliments every time we got back to how the harp had never done that to her before.
Unfortunately I wasn't paying close enough attention to remember which style kicked off the pawing all over me as my wife was sitting on the other side of the pub and I kept thinking "oh she must be getting a chuckle out of this. Or not".
But they all seemed to work in the general sense that I think she wanted to have my babies, so that they could grow up to have their neural systems stimulated by harmonica vibrations as well. Did I say I thought she was off her meds? :)
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Ha...fooled the captcha yet again!
MBH Webbrain - a GUI guide to Adam's Youtube vids
FerretCat Webbrain - Jason Ricci's vids (by hair colour!)
Last Edited by bluemoose on Aug 27, 2014 10:25 AM
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mastercaster
71 posts
Aug 28, 2014
3:36 AM
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When someone goes out of their way to show their appreciation for what I do .. man I am happy .. a Big Thank You & So glad you enjoyed it .. rolls out , no issues ..
Now if it was Charlie Musslewhite or any of the greats .. hmm i'd get choked up and stammering for sure !
If I am moved by someone's playing and want to take the time and effort to pay a compliment .. I don't expect much in return .. just want reenforce their time wasn't wasted on deaf ears ..
As we have been talking some about performing live ... part of that is interacting with the crowd, well, imo it should be
When I'm on stage , looking around at the crowd .. sometimes fooling , joking with them , complementing them "A good looking crowd tonight", "A very kind crowd tonight" , "Thank you so much" , "Everybody having fun " " Give a Big hand for the dancers " etc .. a mic is a powerful object .. use it wisely and have a great time !
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